Nexus Awakened (An Isekai LitRPG Gender Bender Story)-Chapter 1126. A Voice To Speak

Raoul was born from a River of fire.

Since birth he had known nothing but pain. His father despised him for being weak. He had countless step siblings who never survived being dipped into the River Phlegethon. In that sense, he had no one but his mother for the longest time.

He remembered the love his mother had for them all. The names she gave them…

… He cherished the moments leading to their birth more than anything in this world. Because after that, Lethe lost her memories. The triplets were left scattered and unloved by the world. He did everything he could by forming the Solmen Paw to protect what he had left.

But one man alone couldn’t stop the prejudice of humankind. One child couldn’t stand up to a mother. Nor could one brother protect all his siblings equally without favoring one.

Raoul’s life was rife with loss, nor did he ever have a place to call home. He ran from the River Phlegethon with his mother, was promised a new life away from the eyes of Typhon, only for his mother to lose her memories.

Puritas desired his sisters for their eyes, as did the Broken Thorn. Raoul dedicated his life to shielding them away, hoping to give them a life he never had. When that failed, Raoul believed that he was the cause of it.

He left them to Beholder Galia after they were administered a dose of Serum G. Raoul dedicated his life thereafter as a Star of the Nexus. The tantrums that Cer threw across Grandis were alarming at first, but he gradually learned to phase everything out.

… Despite this, Cer constantly returned to his side. When she became a Moon of the Nexus, she would brag to Raoul and show off her accolades. When that didn’t work, she opted to become a parody of a Moon and landed herself the name of the Jester.

Raoul always believed that Cer did it because she wanted to be like him.

But if he looked past the shadows casted on the wall, and at the truth beyond the allegorical cave, then he would have realized it was much simpler than that.

He recalled the memory of Ara and Alice.

“Ara! I got 84 out of 100 for the magic basics exam!”

“84!? Didn’t know you were a genius! What grade is that?”

“B-Grade! I was so close to A! Highest in my class!”

“Amazing~ See that, Raoul? This genius you’re witnessing? It runs in the family.”

Raoul should have it realized it then. Perhaps he did, but had kept that truth locked away.

It was normal for a younger sibling to want to brag to their oldest sibling.

The triplets were lonely, especially Cer. She was loud, rumbunctious, and knew how to get under people’s skin. It was her way of getting people to turn her way or rouse a reaction that would cause them to laugh, smile or curse at her.

Because I couldn’t give her that love.

* * *

“… I joined the Broken Thorn hoping to bring the lost pieces together… I caused so much unwanted misery…”

The memory within the pool changed.

It swapped to a colorless liquid. Reflected upon it was Cer herself, who stood behind Raoul with an expression that was neither relief nor concern. Blood dripped from her face, and she wiped it off with the back of her hand and used the excess to gel her hair aside.

“<[Wolf Without a Heart, Lacking Reason]>.” Cer glanced at the Corrupted, and plucked a bead of Light from her halo while her hand was still above her head.

She hurled a mote of electric light its way and permanently removed its arms. Since Absolution could ignore a Corrupted’s Invulnerability, she was able to damage its HP, leaving it on a sliver.

“Your reason was us. Not gonna say you wasted your time, or that I’m not thankful. But how didn’t you realize that sooner or later you’re gonna have to start thinking about yourself? It was different back then. As much as I want to stab you myself, the Raoul back then didn’t have much of a choice. Can you say the same about yourself now? You’ve done enough for us. You’ve hurt us enough on your warpath. Stop thinking you know what’s better for everyone else, when you should be thinking about what you want.”

Cer’s indifference was a contrast to how the little Cer used to cheerfully boast to Raoul. She had become hardened by years of tribulation and reached the pinnacle of power.

That same woman never boasted it to Raoul either.

“What I want…”

Enjoying this book? Seek out the original to ensure the author gets credit.

What do I want?

“Let me make this easier for you. You said you loved us. That’s your justification for what you did. But what did you want before that? What happened to the Raoul I remember, who helped me pick the flowers in the meadows in the outskirts of our village?”

“They were for mother.”

Cer gripped the air, and a bolt of lightning struck the Corrupted Raoul, as if she were using it as a punching bag.

“Coriander! Lavender! Rosemary! Wild garlic! The stray heads of fucking lettuce we would find! Where do you think I learned about gourmet food!? I got that dream from you! It got twisted into wanting to be eaten. Tch. The image I had of you was different when we were little!”

Gourmet. When they were younger, Raoul used to take Cer through the flower fields to pick up dahlias for their mother. But along the way, Raoul would pick out ingredients and talk about what they used for in other Regions.

It was small talk, mostly. However, deep down, it was born from a desire Raoul had kept sealed away from the world. That part of him was the Raoul that wanted to be normal. Who wished he didn’t have to shed blood to survive. A domestic, homey Raoul who wanted nothing more than to just live life day by day, rather than conflict through conflict.

The Everyman.

“I want…”

Raoul remembered the wrath he felt after reducing Cer from drowning, as well as the sorrow he felt when Cer returned from the forest of man-eating plants alone, holding the hand of a friend.

He despised it. How could they blame a child, just because she was a wolf?

Raoul remembered what he did for Cer that day. He collected ingredients from the flower field, and with nothing but a small flame and a pan made from scrap metal, he made Cer a comfort meal.

That meal was a crudely made berry pie. They had no flour, not yeast, so it was anything but a pie. Cer however, didn’t know that. She was just happy that she was allowed to eat, thanks to Raoul.

… The things I did for them… That didn’t involve bloodshed… were the only times I saw them smile.

“… I…”

One last tear fell from Raoul’s cheek. It plinked into the pool. The golden radiance flooded the Isolation Sphere, banishing the dark clouds for good. A wicked wail came from the Corrupted Raoul as one last memory was shown to him.

The pool briefly shifted. It showed a smiling Cer who took Raoul by the hand. It then suddenly showed a jawless Cer weeping in the grass. She had tried to defend the villagers by telling the knights of Puritas that they did nothing wrong. As a result, they had removed her jaw with a single swipe of a hand and executed the villagers before her eyes.

A foot suddenly stomped into the pool. It belonged to Cer, and she scoffed at the Corrupted.

“Don’t feel guilty for what I’ve already surpassed. Don’t let these tricks get to you. That bitch with the ticking wants nothing more than to watch you squirm. There’s a better voice out there. You just need to tell it what you want!”

Raoul’s head slowly rose to meet with Cer’s eyes, who now stood in front of him.

Res dragged the Corrupted Raoul’s body towards them, and she offered Raoul its nail. Raoul took it, and then, he spoke in a whimper from the bottom of his heart. He understood the objective, sensing its waning HP.

Slowly, he raised the nail above his head. To an onlooker, it would appear as though he was ready to stab himself. But the trajectory was meant for the Corrupted. The chirp of a bird filled his mind as a fourth, unknown presence made its way into the Isolation Sphere.

It was Frost’s voice.

“What does your heart desire?”

“…I miss when I only had to worry about what we had to eat that day. Those simpler times, where I didn’t have to fight for my life every day… Chart my schemes months in advance. I want time for myself. I… above all… want to be normal.”

“The child who was born in the River Phlegethon cannot be normal.”

“Not in the way you are thinking.”

“Birth does not determine what is normal. That definition comes from the life you live.”

“I understand… Without strength, there is no chance of normality. I’ve lost that privilege. My birthright, the people I knew will not make it easier for me. I’m wanted dead by thousands. I’ve destroyed tens of thousands of families. To ask for a life of normality cannot come without a cost.”

“Indeed. But I am not a karmic power.”

“Right and wrong are meaningless to me.”

“What matters is what you believe in.”

The Will of the Amalgam did not care whether Raoul was a mass murderer or a saint. If one was qualified to Crystalize an Ego, then they would gain it regardless of their intentions. This was how the Red Baron was able to manifest Worthy in the first place, despite fighting Frost herself.

It was a double-edged sword that worked for no one but the individual. Morality, ethics, intentions… What ultimately determined whether one gained it was simply through an individual will to reinforce their ego.

“Tell me your intentions, and I will grant you a gift that will help you pave the path forward.”

“… This well inside my heart…”

Raoul gathered his strength and poured it into his last ounce of conviction–

“… Has always been overflowing with love. I locked it away with my persona as the Wise Black Wolf… I… Want to go back to Raoul!”

–He plunged the needle into the heart of his Corrupted self.

It screamed as its body began twisted around the needle. A burst of light suddenly engulfed Raoul as particles of darkness flaked from the body of the Corrupted.

“It will suppress your shadow.”

Raoul’s body contorted.

Pain assailed him from every bone in his body. He felt his hair growing longer, and his chest becoming tighter against his suit.

“Wear it like a mask.”

His facial features became smaller. The fingers that were long enough to completely clasp around the needle had shrunk where she required both hands to completely wrap it. Her uniform felt oddly loose now, despite it feeling tighter around her chest.

Raoul did not need to look down to know what had changed.

“This body again… This is… My gift?”

“That will be your gift to protect your ‘Self’.”

The presence parted ways from the Isolation Sphere, disappearing alongside the flash of light that had consumed Raoul. When it finally settled, and when the last particles of the Corrupted faded, Raoul finally received a prompt.

//////// < ALERT > ////////

< You have received the Blessing of the Cradle >

< You have fully manifested your Corrupted Persona >

< Hati has been added to your Corrupted Persona Collection >