Princess's Struggle for Survival-Chapter 500: Clumsy or Smart

"I can’t always just think about myself..."

After experiencing so much, Lyra was no longer the naive girl who would feel down simply because Astrid outwardly tolerated certain imperial aristocratic customs of oppressing the common people.

To change this country, let alone the entire world, mere passion and good intentions were insufficient.

Had it been Lyra from her late teens, if she ever truly succeeded in ascending to Arcanist Mage status, her first instinct would undoubtedly have been to use her power to minimize troop casualties. She wouldn’t have considered how such actions might ignite internal conflicts, resulting in even more civilian deaths.

"...Thinking only of myself?"

Hearing Lyra’s words, Astrid narrowed her eyes slightly, her voice lifting a fraction with a tone of cautious inquiry.

"But you’re merely seeking vengeance for your comrades, wanting to end the injustices of this world single-handedly."

"How is that selfish?"

Astrid didn’t believe Lyra’s core principles had changed at all. In her mind, even if the earth cracked and the sky fell, the Holy Knight, radiating light and warmth, would always stand on the side of righteousness.

She said this only to understand Lyra’s current thoughts and the reasons behind them.

Feeling Astrid’s cool gaze upon her, Lyra gently raised her hand. Her delicate palm shone dazzlingly white under the light, its smooth skin appearing almost translucent, the sword-shaped light mark shimmering brilliantly.

"Because I recall something... something Astrid once taught me."

"I wanted to save the lives of the soldiers around me, using the power of an Arcanist Mage to keep all enemies outside the fortress..."

"But if doing so would plunge the Empire into crisis, escalate the war, and cause even more innocent civilians to die needlessly..."

"Then I can’t recklessly act solely according to my own desires."

In this moment, she fully understood the difficulties Astrid had faced as the Third Princess. Astrid wanted to advance magical devices but faced relentless obstruction from conservative nobles. She wished for the Emperor to rule with benevolence, yet was inevitably forced to play political games with the insatiable imperial aristocracy.

Man is born free, yet everywhere he is in chains.

Finishing her words, Lyra picked up the stemmed glass before her. Her blue eyes gazed at Astrid sitting upright and poised across the table as she spoke softly.

"Besides... I truly am selfish."

During her journey to the North, she had witnessed countless deaths and separations, seen both the collapse and perseverance of human nature. Many things she’d once neglected surged up in the numb gaps of her spirit like bubbles.

"I want good people to live well, I want evil ones to suffer misfortune, I ignore war and injustice, and I love gentleness and warmth."

"So my moral compass instinctively leans toward what’s considered ’good,’ and I gain satisfaction from the good deeds I perform."

"My motives for helping others aren’t pure or simple, not because it’s the right thing to do, but because subconsciously, I believe doing so makes me happy, brings me emotional fulfillment."

Although Astrid had never said it, Lyra vaguely sensed that in the other’s eyes, she probably appeared as an exceptionally noble and righteous figure, someone who hated evil fiercely, sometimes appearing rash, like an irresponsible child.

Saying this, Lyra unconsciously pressed her legs together, her small leather shoes lightly touching, revealing a stretch of white stocking foot-back as smooth and delicate as ice cream.

"What am I even saying..." the girl asserted to herself, her voice barely audible.

"Just pretend you didn’t hear any of that... Astrid."

Astrid tilted her head slightly, her gaze quietly resting on Lyra.

"It seems the pressure Lyra is facing is greater than I imagined."

"Eh?"

Lyra blinked in surprise, asking quietly.

"How?"

Astrid’s answer was crisp and clear: "You’ve already started pondering questions that have no answers."

She roughly grasped the logic behind Lyra’s words, someone possessing power yet bound by constraints, unable to freely use it to enact what she considered just. Based on this, she’d begun questioning whether her actions stemmed from self-satisfaction rather than a pure desire for lasting goodness and virtue, falling into a mental loop where morality served only her own emotional fulfillment.

Hearing Astrid say this, Lyra quickly pressed her lips together, her head seemed to droop as her soft, cherry-pink hair appeared fluffier in that instant.

"I really do feel that way."

Not particularly responsible, just that after confronting too much reality, the ivory tower in her heart had begun to crumble.

She wasn’t quite the same as the person she’d imagined herself to be.

Looking at Lyra, Astrid placed her fingers on the bowl of her stemmed glass, lightly tapping it.

"All human actions originate from certain beliefs, certain things, or certain intangible emotions."

"It’s the fundamental driving force behind everything you do, the very reason you’ve kept going until now."

Her long, elegant legs, wrapped in fine black stockings, crossed gracefully, the expensive shoe tip pointing towards the pink-haired girl’s two white-stockinged calves pressed together. Astrid stroked the glass, speaking softly.

"Lyra feels selfish because she realizes that the underlying logic driving her many good deeds is the fulfillment of her own emotions."

"If we explain it with this theory, then we’re all selfish. Even if we perform countless altruistic acts, at the root, it’s still for our own satisfaction."

"But so what, Lyra?"

Here, Astrid paused. Her pink lips, slightly moistened, looked bright and tempting.

"Some invade other nations for personal gain, leaving the earth soaked in blood and millions of families destroyed."

"Some fight fearlessly to defend their homeland, standing on frozen plains to resist wolves and tigers until they give their lives."

"They both have one purest motivation, the satisfaction of their own emotions. Does that mean there’s absolutely no difference between them?"

Lyra shook her head, her pink hair swaying gently by her ears, revealing her small, delicate ears.

"Of course not."

"Then isn’t the conclusion obvious?"

Astrid released the wine glass, extending both hands forward to cup Lyra’s cheeks, her lips parting.

"You are selfish, but you are also kind. The two aren’t mutually exclusive."

Astrid had always been someone who judged by actions, not intentions. That was why she could understand Amalia’s struggles and accept her.

Lyra wasn’t a flat character. It wasn’t possible for her to simply be given the role of a destined heroine who hates evil, and then perfectly fulfill it without nuance.

"There’s no need to feel strange about it, or to unjustifiably generate guilt, denying the kind and strong version of yourself."

Eye to eye, seeing Lyra gaze at her with a suddenly dazed expression, indescribably cute, Astrid felt a desire to kiss her. But recalling they’d just been intimate moments ago, and that Lyra had only recently returned from the restroom, such thoughts quickly dissipated.

"Besides... Lyra really has matured a lot compared to before..."

Applying gentle pressure on both sides, she pinched the girl’s soft, smooth cheeks. Astrid pursed her lips and smiled faintly, her noble, cool features becoming even more beautiful with the addition of that smile.

"To consider that using an Arcanist-level spell might trigger a chain reaction, ultimately escalating the war..."

"The clumsy maid who used to blush just from me touching her hand couldn’t have thought things through this thoroughly."

"The Lyra of today... is indeed reliable."

Lost in Astrid’s words, "indeed reliable", Lyra parted her lips slightly, letting the other woman knead her cheeks as if making dessert. It took her half a minute to regain her senses.

"I... was I really that back then?"

She didn’t deny blushing at a simple hand touch, probably because even now, Lyra hadn’t changed. Earlier, when helping her put on shoes, Astrid had merely gently held her ankle and aligned her foot with the high heel, doing nothing more. Yet she’d noticed that after Lyra stood up, her cheeks were even redder, like a blazing evening sky.

"What do you think?" Astrid countered.

Although, she was also very cute.

Hearing Astrid say this, Lyra realized there really wasn’t much to argue. Reflecting on her experiences since meeting Astrid, despite the other treating her so well, she’d always misinterpreted it as Astrid having ulterior motives. How terribly she’d been.

If she’d realized earlier, perhaps she could have clarified her own feelings faster, and wouldn’t have mistakenly believed Astrid still loved Tristian, enduring that excruciatingly painful period.

"Then... am I a little smarter now?" Lyra asked.

Astrid slowly nodded, her voice soft.

"That’s true."

She still retained traces of her original innocence, but more prominently, she now carried the steadiness forged through war.

In truth, it was only when alone with Astrid in the private room that Lyra would reveal such a girlish side. If Philice were present and saw her blushing and shy like this, she would surely feel her entire worldview collapsing.

Receiving Astrid’s response, Lyra’s mood clearly brightened. After a moment, she spoke.

"Then... Astrid..."

"That is... do you prefer smarter girls?"

"..."

Astrid slowly lifted her gaze. Her bright red irises reflected Lyra’s face, and that single small gesture intensified the other’s nervousness.

"If I answered no, could a smart mind become naive again?"

Watching Lyra’s eyes flicker with thought, mixed with a trace of confusion, Astrid curved her lips and continued.

"Being clumsy is cute, smart is convenient. In the end, as long as you’re liked from the heart, intelligence doesn’t matter."

Finishing, Astrid dropped one final line that made Lyra’s heart race.

"Lyra just needs to be herself."

Be yourself.

Astrid meant... she liked her this way?

The sound of heels scraping against the floor filled the air as Lyra instinctively straightened her back.

She’d already sensed Astrid was much warmer than she’d been in the capital. Originally, Lyra had thought it was simply due to them not seeing each other for so long, their emotions running high, just like her own when they first met. But now, perhaps it was because Astrid had noticed her changes.

So... she liked her even more now...

Realizing this, Lyra’s heart grew increasingly elated, and she even wanted to kiss Astrid again.

But... they’d already kissed twice today. If she kept going, would Astrid find her annoying...

Wavering between hope and fear for a few seconds, Lyra spoke softly.

"Astrid..."

"Hmm?"

"I was... just..."

The words caught in her throat. Seeing Lyra hesitate, Astrid roughly guessed what she was thinking. The hand that had been pinching the girl’s cheek moved downward, capturing Lyra’s hand.

Then, gently pulling it close, she pressed a kiss onto the back of her hand.

"???"

Having her desire preempted by Astrid, Lyra shivered slightly, dazed as she saw the woman half-lidding her eyes, their crimson depths sparkling with enchanting light.

"Is this what you wanted?" Astrid asked.

For a moment, the noble Regent in the black dress transformed back into the silver-haired succubus who earlier had kicked off her heels, using the table as cover to teasingly molest her beneath it.

Understanding Astrid’s meaning, Lyra gently held the other’s hand and, mimicking Astrid’s earlier action, placed a reverent kiss on the back of it.

............

After lunch, when Astrid mentioned she would next inspect the secondary fortress and later investigate the plague in the town of Siyak, Lyra voiced her concern.

"Astrid is a mage; her physical constitution is far inferior to that of a knight of equal rank..."

"When going to Siyak, please be sure to watch out for danger."

Astrid naturally understood this principle. She softly agreed to Lyra’s request, then asked if the girl had noticed anything unusual during this time.

As the master of the Sword of Light, her status surpasses all ordinary mages. She should be particularly sensitive to the presence of Brennild, this so-called "deity."

Lyra pondered seriously, her fingers lightly rubbed the hem of her skirt. After a moment, she recounted a mental illusion she’d experienced over a month ago.

"At that time, the Sword of Light seemed to undergo some kind of disturbance, but it calmed down instantly. However, the chilling sensation deep within my mind didn’t disappear immediately..."

"...Later, I reported this to Professor Charlotte, who personally came to investigate but found no unusual magical fluctuations."

Over a month ago, slightly earlier than when the plague appeared. The timing matched perfectly.

Once again confirmed that this plague was inextricably linked to Brennild, Astrid, having reached the end of the corridor, glanced around at the surrounding crowd, then gently embraced Lyra, who wasn’t wearing armor, speaking softly.

"Then I’ll go ahead. I hope this afternoon remains peaceful."

Then, the woman walked away, her heels clicking against the floor.

Lyra stood in place, watching the retreating figure, softly uttering an affirmative hum. Her Holy Light Armor materialized, her beautiful face instantly becoming resolute.

"How is the wall repair progressing?" she asked gently to the nearby soldier.