Starting with a Family System to Become an Immortal Official-Chapter 116: Memorable Meal

The morning sun had barely crested the eastern ridge of Immortal Table Mountain when Li Qingmu and Wen Qingwan arrived at the grand Dining Pavilion.

The pavilion itself was enormous—long open-sided halls of polished cedar and white stone, rows upon rows of low blackwood tables arranged in perfect order, each with a simple woven mat and a single bowl, one pair of plain wooden chopsticks, and a small porcelain spoon.

No excess, no variation.

Every disciple received the exact same meal.

A portion of steamed millet congee thinned with vegetable broth, a handful of blanched greens, a few slices of steamed yam, and a small dish of fermented soybean paste for flavor.

Moderation in all things!

That was the Exalted Sage School’s way.

Li Qingmu stood at the entrance and slowly swept his gaze across the silent, orderly rows.

A wide grin split his face in half.

"Finally!"

Wen Qingwan, standing beside him with arms folded, let out a long, quiet sigh and rolled her beautiful eyes so hard it was practically audible.

『This guy is an idiot. There’s no way that old round ball actually gave him meat. He must be hallucinating from hunger.』

She shook her head slightly.

Moments later the morning bell rang.

A tide of male disciples poured in with haste to claim their spots.

There were no assigned seats.

Everyone ate the same thing anyway.

Li Qingmu, however, did not sit with them.

He walked like a peacock down the central aisle as his eyes scanned each table. Wen Qingwan followed a step behind with half-lidded eyes as she watched him with faint amusement and faint exasperation.

Several disciples noticed her immediately.

"Eh? Why is Senior Sister Wen here?"

"Don’t female disciples eat in the Lotus Pavilion on the western slope...?"

"She must be showing the new brother around."

"Lucky bastard. Gets one of the top beauties of the sect as his mentor senior sister. Tsk tsk."

"I heard she’s already slapped three different senior brothers for trying to ’guide’ him yesterday."

There was a lot of talk.

Li Qingmu ignored them all.

Then he stopped.

At the very end of the hall, in a spot that should have been empty, sat a single low table.

And on that table...

A generous platter of delicious meaty goodness.

There was even a sealed jar of clear plum wine.

This was everything he had asked for and more!

Li Qingmu clapped both hands together so hard the sound cracked through the pavilion.

"MEAT!!"

Every head in the hall swiveled.

Wen Qingwan’s elegant brows shot upward.

She stared at the spread as though it had personally insulted her worldview.

"This... this is impossible! There is no way Kitchen Master Han Yan would reward such rude, meat-obsessed nonsense with... with THIS."

Several nearby disciples were already leaning over as their nostrils flared.

"Unfair..."

"What did this new junior even do to deserve that?"

"Smells like heaven..."

One older disciple cleared his throat loudly.

"Enough. Stop staring like starving dogs. Be content with what the sect provides. Return to your vegetables."

Grumbling, they turned back to their congee.

Li Qingmu dropped onto the mat and rubbed his palms together briskly.

"Thank you for the meal."

Wen Qingwan hesitated only a moment before gracefully lowering herself to sit beside him... close enough that her sleeve brushed his.

He gave her a sideways glance and smirked.

"What? Jealous already, Senior Sister?"

She looked away sharply.

"Shut up."

Li Qingmu laughed then snatched up his chopsticks and dove right in.

The first bite of boar belly drew an involuntary groan of pure bliss from his throat.

All around him, male disciples nibbled miserably on the tips of their chopsticks until the wood began to splinter. A few tried to imagine their watery yam slices were actually dripping with fat and spice. One particularly desperate junior even stretched his tongue toward Li Qingmu’s plate.

"Ahhhh~"

Wen Qingwan’s hand flashed out like a whip.

Slap!

Her cold-looking eyes narrowed.

"Table manners..."

The boy shrank back, red-faced.

Yet even as she scolded, Wen Qingwan’s own two eyes kept drifting to the glistening meat.

She swallowed once.

『As a senior, my meal is prepared last. The kitchen has to feed three hundred disciples first... I won’t eat for at least another two hours.』

A tiny, involuntary groan escaped her.

Li Qingmu noticed.

Mid-chew on a tender loin, he tilted his head. 𝒻𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘸ℯ𝒷𝘯𝘰𝑣ℯ𝑙.𝘤𝑜𝘮

"Want some?"

Wen Qingwan froze.

Her mouth actually watered for one shameful second.

『Just one bite... it won’t kill me...』

Then she straightened her spine.

"No. I’m fine."

Li Qingmu chuckled low in his throat.

"Suit yourself."

He went back to devouring the spread shamelessly.

Half an hour later the pavilion was empty except for the two of them.

Li Qingmu leaned back, one hand on his belly, and released a satisfied burp that echoed off the rafters. He ran his tongue over his teeth to pick out a stray sesame seed.

"Damn, that old round man can cook."

Wen Qingwan watched him with a weird smile.

He gave her another side-eye.

"Why are you still here? Mentor senior sister doesn’t mean you have to babysit my every movement."

She scoffed.

"None of your business."

He frowned, genuinely curious now.

She looked away, cheeks faintly pink.

"Well... to be honest, I’m just a little—"

Li Qingmu suddenly grunted.

His hand flew to his stomach.

Wen Qingwan’s teasing expression vanished.

"What’s wrong?"

"I... can’t explain it, but—"

Another sharp cramp doubled him over.

His face paled.

"Shit—gotta go—!"

He bolted upright and sprinted out of the pavilion then straight toward the nearest line of bushes.

For the next several hours, the peaceful bamboo grove behind the Dining Pavilion echoed with increasingly desperate sounds of wet farts.

Wen Qingwan stood a respectful distance away and called out periodically.

"Getting better?"

"NOOO!"

And she kept on asking each time.

Wen Qingwan is a worried senior sister.

She has a pure soul and is also a good woman.

She always cares for her juniors.

"How about now?"

"NO—argh—!"

Another wet, miserable sound.

She sighed, then delicately scooped a dried smear of sauce from the edge of his now-empty plate with her pinky and touched it to her tongue.

Her expression darkened at once.

"Poisoned."

She let the taste settle some more.

"A compound of three spiritual herbs. Ghostfetter Root, Bitter Shadow Leaf, Yellow Intestinal Vine... blended to create chronic diarrhea that can last months without an antidote."

Li Qingmu’s weak and furious voice floated back.

"HAN YAN, YOU OLD FART—!"

Another full hour passed.

Finally, Li Qingmu staggered into the Lion Kitchen.

There sat Kitchen Master Han Yan.

The round elder lounged comfortably behind a low table and happily tore into a fat, sauced chicken leg.

Grease glistened on his chin.

He chewed slowly to savor every bite.

"Ah, young friend. Did you enjoy the welcoming meal? Next time an elder bestows fine food upon you, you should come thank him properly right after finishing."

Li Qingmu pointed a trembling finger.

"You—! How can you feed a healthy man like me that kind of devil’s slop that provokes the bum while you sit here gnawing on delicious chicken?!"

Master Han patted his round belly and laughed until his whole body shook.

"If an old fart like me doesn’t deserve delicious chicken, then surely a fine young hero like you can become a senior in this sect and enjoy chicken too, yes?"

Li Qingmu’s eye twitched violently.

"Aiyaaaa! This old fart!"

He raised a hand as though to slap the old man.

Grumble...

Another ominous gurgle.

He froze with immediate effect.

He clamped both hands over his buttocks.

"Not now—!"

Master Han laughed even harder.

"This little recipe of mine can gift you diarrhea for a full year without pause. Unless, of course, you’d like to become my personal assistant here in the Lion Kitchen. I happen to have the antidote right here..."

He went back to eating his chicken.

Li Qingmu’s face twisted in agony.

"Such cheap tricks won’t work on—"

Five minutes later.

Li Qingmu sat cross-legged on the kitchen floor, sleeves rolled up as he furiously scrubbed a stack of greasy pots with a rough local sponge.

Kitchen Master Han sat nearby on a low stool where he cracked nuts between his teeth.

"Scrub harder, boy. Can’t you put all that strength you love bragging about to those little female disciples to actual use?"

Li Qingmu hurled a bowl aside with a clatter.

"Isn’t this punishment excessive?!"

Master Han Yan stretched his chubby arms overhead and yawned lazily.

"There’s three stages to this diarrhea, you see. First is uncomfortable. Second is painful. Third... well... let’s just say the back door becomes looser than a common courtesan’s smile."

Li Qingmu instantly snatched the bowl back up and attacked it with renewed vigor.

"Anything else you need cleaned, Master?"

"One at a time, boy."

Han Yan smiled as he popped another nut into his mouth and chewed contentedly.