Sweet Hatred-Chapter 189: Kill Yourself / Starvation

He was desperate to stay inside the life I was rewriting.

And he just realized...

He didn’t matter anymore and I didn’t hold back anymore.

"Was this all it ever was for you?" I said, pacing slowly, that strange hollow buzz still burning in my chest. "Trading your sons like property. Playing god with everyone’s life but your own. Did you ever give a fuck about anyone besides yourself?"

His jaw tensed, but I didn’t stop.

"Not Andrew. Not me. Not even her—" My voice dropped. "You broke my mother until she stopped recognizing her own reflection. And you smiled while she disappeared into herself."

That was when he hit me.

The punch was fast, old soldier-fast. His knuckles cracked against my cheek with enough force to send me stumbling. I caught the edge of the table, but the blood came anyway... sweet, metallic and familiar.

His fist stayed clenched.

"You don’t know what you’re talking about," he growled, and then he grabbed me by the collar. My back hit the glass behind us with a thud. His face was close now, breath sharp, eyes wide with something I rarely saw in him... emotion. Rage. Maybe even regret.

"Oh? What’s this?" I chuckled. "Are you finally feeling bad about the woman you drove to suicide?" I mocked, wiping the blood on my lip with my thumb. "It’s a little late now."

"You think you’re the only one who’s sacrificed for this name? I don’t care what you think. I’m not letting waste your time with a nameless nobody. Your union with Ash is a stepping stone to expanding this empire. The marriage pact, the leverage, the starting lock. Do you understand what we’ve built?" His voice was manic now, dripping with conviction. "We’re this close to having more presidents, dictators, and monarchs eating from our palms."

His grip tightened.

"They’ll carve our name into the bones of history." His voice was calm. Too calm. "We won’t just outlive empires. We’ll make gods kneel. And your wedding? That’s the is the first nail in the old world’s coffin."

"You’re insane," I said, teeth stained red. "You already own more than most kings ever dreamed of. You bend governments. You devour nations. Why the fuck do you need more?"

He didn’t move. He didn’t blink. He just breathed, slow and sure like death was standing behind him, waiting its turn.

"Because we Romans don’t settle for shit." He breathed. "Why settle for the stars, when you can spin the whole damn galaxy yourself, son?"

And that’s when I said it, calm and lethal: "Fine!" I exhaled. "If that’s what you want, I won’t stop you. But I’m resigning. From every single Roman-owned company. Today."

Silence. Like the whole room sucked the air out of itself.

Then he laughed, louder than I expected. Not amused. Not joyful. It was the sound of something unraveling slowly.

"How many times do I have to break you?" he whispered, half in awe. "How much blood do you need to spill before you get it?"

He leaned close again.

"You are Kael Roman. My son. You can’t absolve yourself if this cursed fate. You know it. Even if you pretend not to. I can taste the lie in your threats. You haven’t walked away because you don’t want to. You like holding the leash. You like people bending to your will. You like being the storm. You like the power Kael. Because you’re still my son. The Roman blood runs in you and that hunger will never run out."

My smirk faltered.

He saw it. That slight pause, the tiniest ripple in my mask.

Because he was right.

There was something in me that still wanted the throne, even if it killed me. Even if it turned me into him.

I didn’t reply.

"What do I have to do," I asked hoarsely, "to prove that I’m not a part of this?"

His answer was instant. Final.

"Kill yourself."

I flinched. Not because of the words. Because of how easily he said them. Like I was already a dead man.

Like he’d prepared for that day.

The silence after his words stretched like a noose.

I didn’t blink. Didn’t twitch.

Kill myself?

That was his solution.

Not "leave." Not "disappear." Not even "give up."

Die.

Only then would he believe I wasn’t his.

I stared at him, letting the weight of the moment hang there, the words burning into the air between us like a brand. Then I exhaled slowly... and wiped the blood from my mouth with the back of my hand.

"I’ll find another way," I said coolly.

His eyes narrowed, calculating, but I offered no hint of emotion. No smirk. No sarcasm. Just those four words that were quiet, lethal, and empty enough to surprise even him.

I turned, straightening my collar, and walked toward the door like I hadn’t just tasted hell on my tongue.

I stopped at the threshold, the silence pressing on my shoulders like hands from the grave. I knew he was still watching. Still measuring. Still thinking I was bluffing.

So I turned my head, just enough for him to see the shadow curling in my smile.

"You remember what you said the first time I ever disobeyed you?"

I didn’t wait for him to answer.

"’There’s no space far enough, no stone deep enough, no god high enough that I won’t find you.’"

I stepped forward slightly, and the light from the chandelier caught the blood drying on my lip.

"I used to be afraid of that. Of you."

My voice dropped lower, slower, almost kind. Almost.

"But now?"

I turned my full body toward him again, just once, just enough.

"Now I pray you find me," I whispered.

"So I can show you what happens... when the monster you made turns around and bares his fucking teeth."

And with that, I walked out.

Calm. Poised. But inside, my hunger was rising like smoke. And every step I took was one closer to the fire I was going to set. For him. For Aria. For all of it.

The car was too quiet.

Niko didn’t say a word, just gripped the wheel, eyes forward, reading me like he always did.

I sat in the backseat, head leaning against the window, watching the city blur past as if it were trying to outrun me. But nothing could outrun what was eating me alive inside.

I could feel it creeping again... that goddamned abyss I thought I buried. That quiet, empty, cold place that tasted like smoke and copper. I used to call it strategy. Discipline. A survival tool. But now I knew better.

It was grief. Starvation.

A black hole in the shape of a woman I couldn’t touch.

Aria.

Fuck.

My jaw clenched as I closed my eyes, trying to breathe her name out of my bones, but she was there. In everything. My blood buzzed with her, screamed for her. My fingers twitched with the memory of her skin, her scent, her fucking voice.

I was hungry. Starved.

Thirsty for the drug that was her.

That was the word, wasn’t it?

Intoxicated.

She made me feel like I’d snorted the sun and swallowed the stars, like nothing could touch me when she was near. Her presence didn’t just calm me. It ruined me. Made me delirious with a craving no violence could cure.

And now she was avoiding me. Angry. Distant. All because of that stupid fucking marriage announcement.

Because I hadn’t warned her. Because I didn’t protect her from my father’s madness. Because,

I didn’t know how.

Because the truth was, I didn’t know what to say. What to do. Every path felt like it led to her bleeding, crying, hating me. And that was the one thing I knew I wouldn’t survive.

The car stopped. XE Tower loomed like a steel heart, lifeless and cold.

I stepped out without a word, let Niko follow behind. He didn’t ask if I was okay. He knew I wasn’t.

The elevator ride up felt like being lowered into a grave.

When the doors opened, I saw Rose standing up from her desk.

"Welcome back sir—"

"Is Aria back?" I cut her off.

"She’s back," she said quietly, answering the question like I pressed a gun to her temple.

My heart slammed against my ribs.

Her office. Just across from mine. That same door I’d watched her walk through a hundred times. But now, it looked like a gate I didn’t know if I had the right to open.

I moved toward it anyway, each step like dragging a chain behind me.

I reached her door and stopped. My fingers hovered just over the handle.

But I didn’t knock.

What if it made things worse? What if she told me to leave? What if she looked at me the way Ivan once did?

"I thought you were different."

His voice crawled up my spine like a ghost, biting and cold.

"But you’re just like him."

I remembered the way his eyes looked... hurt, furious, broken. The kind of look that stuck with you. That made you question everything.

"Obsessed with control. With power. With making everyone bend until they break—because you think that’s love."

He said that years ago. Apologized, even. But it didn’t matter.

I still heard it in my head.

And now, standing outside her door, I wondered if Aria was starting to see me the same way.

Because all I wanted to do was take her. Keep her. Lock her somewhere the world couldn’t reach. Not even my father.

But maybe that wasn’t love. Maybe it was madness. Maybe I didn’t know the difference.

With a breath that shook me to my bones, I dropped my hand from the door. And turned away.

I walked into my office instead. Each step heavy. Slow. Like my body had finally caught up with the weight of my choices.

The door clicked shut behind me. And I was alone again. But this time it wasn’t peace I found. It was punishment

Updat𝒆d fr𝒐m freew𝒆bnov𝒆l.c(o)m