The Author's Viewpoint-Chapter 95 - Between the Guilt and the Grit

He didn’t know how many hours had passed.

Tave lay sprawled on the jagged peak of that cliff, the wind ripping dust and grit through the air with such force it felt like it could peel the skin from his bones. It howled endlessly, and any weaker soul might’ve been thrown clean off this rocky outcrop.

He didn’t move.

Lina had finished healing him. She was no longer by his side, off helping the others now, no doubt patching broken bones and torn skin, doing her part like the healer she was meant to be.

She hadn’t taken heavy damage in the fall, thankfully. And now, she was working hard to make up for it. Making up for nearly dying, and nearly killing him.

Stupid. Completely, utterly stupid.

Tave clenched his jaw.

He wasn’t trying to be a hero. He didn’t jump to save her because of some noble instinct to protect others in danger.

He did it because she mattered. Because her role mattered.

Lina was the team’s main healer. Losing her meant dooming everyone else later. So, yes, he’d risked his life. But it wasn’t heroism. It was a strategy.

Or... Was that just how he justified it to himself?

Was he just trying to make sense of a reckless, idiotic act that nearly got both of them killed?

Maybe that was why the illusion of Theo had called him weak.

And it wasn’t the first time, either.

When Tave had been given the chance to sacrifice Fang to trigger Bloodline Override, he hesitated. He let the wolf go.

He got lucky. In the end, he didn’t lose the opportunity. He gained a companion instead. Fang.

But the truth still sat there, uncomfortably heavy: Tave was soft. He still hesitated. He still felt too much.

And that, that weakness of heart, was the difference between him and Theo.

The original protagonist, Theo, wouldn’t have faltered. He wouldn’t have risked everything for a single team member. He wouldn’t have needed a reason.

Tave did. And he hated himself for it.

No one could survive, let alone thrive in this world if they carried the burden of others on their back. Not here. Not in Yunatea. This world didn’t reward sentiment. It punished it.

But... this was a Rift Expedition. And in a Rift, every life mattered.

So in the end, Tave could still justify saving Lina. Strategy. Efficiency. The team needed her. That was his reason. His excuse.

Whatever. He was too tired to untangle it anymore.

Time passed.

The wind didn’t stop, but it began to feel like background noise. Eventually, Tave pulled himself to his feet and made his way toward the others, joining them at the makeshift emergency camp set up between the jagged rock formations near the cliff’s edge.

Three of them were seriously injured, Elowen among them, the forest elf magic caster.

Others sat slumped nearby, arms wrapped around knees or clutching dried rations, chewing in silence, drinking water to chase away the raw, metallic taste of adrenaline.

No one spoke strategy. Not yet.

No one was ready. Except, perhaps, Velion, who sat quietly but alert, his expression unreadable. And Darian, the heavy-armored defender, already tearing into a second ration pack like he hadn’t just cheated death.

Tave found a place beside Panpan, leaning back against the stone, letting gravity hold him still for a moment.

She didn’t speak.

Neither did he.

For now, that was enough.

Until...

"Thanks, Panpan," Tave said softly, his eyes fixed ahead. "If it weren’t for you... I probably wouldn’t still be here with the rest of you."

His voice carried a faint bitterness, sharp at the edges. Because that was the truth. The stupid, raw truth.

From the corner of his eye, Tave saw her gently shake her head.

"We’re here together, right?" she replied, just as quietly.

They fell into silence again, the kind that didn’t need to be broken. But then, her voice returned, calm, sincere, cutting deeper than any wound.

"I also really appreciate how you chose to bring Lina with you, Tave."

And damn it. Tave hated this part. Hated when she brought that up.

"You could’ve left her," she continued. "You might’ve had a better chance at surviving if you had."

She continued. "But you didn’t. You chose to save her."

Tave’s jaw tightened. "Everyone matters out here," he muttered. "Everyone’s needed."

Panpan’s voice came again. Serene as ever, but steady even against the howl of wind scraping over the jagged stone.

"You worked harder than anyone when we landed."

"You scouted everything. Secured the safest point. Shared every bit of information that could help us survive."

"Without you, we’d probably still be stranded up there."

Tave exhaled hard and shook his head.

She was wrong. Or maybe she was just being kind.

He hadn’t scouted to save them. He’d done it to save himself.

Because, Tave knew. He could only survive this if everyone stayed together. If the whole team made it through. That was the only condition where he even had a chance.

And that made it valid. Justifiable.

But still... he’d gambled.

He’d gambled with all of their lives.

He was supposed to be logical. He worked with data. He calculated everything. That was how Tavian made decisions, by analysis, by probability, by picking the most optimal route.

And yet, when it counted most. He had thrown logic out the window.

He hadn’t picked the best statistical outcome. He’d picked the risk. The chaos. The human thing.

Maybe that kind of careful calculation was a luxury this world didn’t allow. Maybe, when it came down to life and death, there was no such thing as the "smart" move.

Just a choice.

And once you made it. You lived with it. Or you didn’t.

Stupid. All of it felt stupid!

And somehow, all of this weight, this quiet tension between him and Panpan, this thin thread of gratitude and guilt. It almost made them forget one terrifying truth.

They were still in a fucking Tier 4 Emergency Rift. A Rift that now felt like it bordered Tier 5.

The monsters here? Mostly Tier 5 threats.

"You fought your way into this expedition," Panpan said softly. "By forcing Lady Elincia to break her own rule."

Then, her tone softened. A light, amused breath left her lips. A quiet laugh.

Tave inhaled slowly. And somehow, just that small laugh, faint and fleeting, lifted the weight sitting on his chest. That knot of tension inside him, all the dread he’d been carrying since the fall... it loosened, just a little.

​​Maybe he was more stressed than he realized. More trapped by fear than he was willing to admit. Because he knew exactly what it meant to be caught inside an Emergency Rift.

And what they’d gone through so far? That wasn’t even a welcome drink. That was poison served at dawn. A violent, merciless greeting that said, "You don’t belong here."

They hadn’t been welcomed. They’d been punished. Pummeled before they could even find their footing.

He drew a long, steady breath.

His body... It was starting to recover.

Thanks to Lina’s healing, strength began to crawl back into his limbs. It wasn’t full recovery, not by a long shot, but it was enough to stand.

And Tave knew what that meant.

Time to move.

He forced a small, half-formed smile onto his face, then raised his eyes toward Velion, who stood several meters ahead, scanning the jagged horizon.

"I’m going to scout ahead," Tave called out. "We’re not staying on this peak forever."

"Tave, we can hold until morning. Rest. You need to fully recover."

Tave shook his head once. "It’s alright. Lina already helped me get back on my feet."

And just like that. He stood. Not because he was ready. But because staying still with this much uncertainty pressing in from all sides felt worse than pain.

He needed to move. He needed to see. To understand the terrain, the threats, the way forward. Anything less felt like suffocation.

As he took his first step, Panpan rose beside him.

He glanced her way, meeting her gaze with a quiet, wordless question.

"Panpan?"

She answered with that familiar, calm steadiness in her voice.

"Tave... you know I’m the backup Scout, right? I’m coming with you."

There was a subtle warmth in her tone, even after everything. Even after hell.

Tave blinked. He didn’t mind her joining. Not at all.

But... shouldn’t she still be recovering?

Then again, Panpan had been picked as backup scout for a reason. Mobility. Precision. Awareness. She wasn’t here to sit on the sidelines.

"Yes, sure," he said, nodding slightly. "Glad to have you."

Wait...

Glad?