There's No Love In the Deathzone (BL)-Chapter 431 - 424. The Gift is Giving

Zein didn’t waste his time. They might as well face it now so it wouldn’t weigh on her later during the mission.

"Uhh..." she chewed on her inner cheek, and then bit her lips. Just that reaction alone told Zein it didn’t go well.

Well, not that Zein expected it would go well in one try. Actually, it would be weirder if they forgive and forget in one try, considering they even kicked her out of the guild despite her prowess.

Zein shook his head at the pouting girl. "Tell me what you did while I was away," he said while opening the impending document on his desk. "My usual, Alice."

"Yes, Boss."

Senia watched the assistant go to the corner pantry and take out a case of silver needle drink. She blinked before glancing at the guide. She wondered if this was a sign of Zein trusting her or just a case of showing off.

"If you’re not going to talk, then get out," Zein said dryly. "I’m not here to babysit you; I still have a lot of work."

Senia flinched slightly when Zein patted the pile of documents on his desk slightly harder. He already didn’t like desk work, so he did not appreciate someone prolonging his time behind the desk.

"Uhh...so..." this time, Senia did not dilly-dally. She even straightened her back like a scolded schoolgirl. "So, umm....l-like you said, I tried to recall what I had been doing to others--I even made a...list."

She fiddled with her hand and peeked at Zein’s face. The blue eyes were focused on the paper in hand, but Zein still replied. "Are you going to show me?"

Senia bit her lips in embarrassment, but she did send a message to Zein’s account. The guide looked over it while drinking his silver needle, but even after he finished the concoction, the list had not ended yet. And it seemed like the girl wrote the lightest offense first--like sneering and mocking verbally--because Zein kept raising his brow higher and higher as time went by.

Senia’s eyes were darting here and there, everywhere but in the guide’s direction. She got nervous the higher Zein’s brow arched, and in the end, she even closed her eyes as the guide put his glass down--rather harshly at that. But what made her heart lurch down was the disappointed sigh that he let out.

"You’re fortunate that I had met more vicious people out there," Zein said.

Senia did go physical on some guides, but it usually ended with one slap. It felt light compared to espers who beat up guides until they were black and blue and crying, or just straight up sexually violating them. Of course, what Senia did was still bad in his eyes, but it was more salvageable.

"So? What did you do after that?"

Senia let out a sigh before speaking. "So...I made a list of people I should be apologizing to, but...honestly, I...don’t remember all of them--I mean, I remember what I did, but...not...to who..."

She lowered her head and peeked out nervously, trying to discern Zein’s expressionless gaze. The guide didn’t make much change on his face, though.

"It’s always the victim who remembers," Zein said simply, and all Senia could do was swallow her dry saliva. "Then?"

"Then..."

Senia proceeded to tell Zein what she had done during Zein’s absence. She had called the current guildmaster of Celestia, asking her for the guild members’ contact. She also asked her to identify her victims; if anyone wanted to come forward and ask for compensation.

But she underestimated how much he had hurt those people; how much he had sowed the seed of fear. Naturally, they did not believe her, thinking that she would use their complaints and personal contact to harm them. While the guildmaster did try to help her convince them, not many were willing to do so.

"You did not meet them directly?" Zein tilted his head, and Senia flinched before replying swiftly.

"I--I was thinking of doing so, but...I don’t know if they’ll let me into the guild again, and...and...if I meet them outside of the guild, they might get even more afraid," she said, exhaling long as she recalled the memory. "I think I should let them decide whether they want to see me or not..."

Zein stared at the girl wordlessly for a while, watching her face to discern whether her words came from a sincere place, or just her way to avoid facing her mistakes. But this time, the girl’s eyes did not dart around; she just looked hard at her fiddling fingers, shoulder slumped as if she was tired.

Good. She should be tired.

But not quite enough to stop.

"Alright, that’s the right thing to do," Zein nodded, prompting the girl to look up with widened eyes and genuine surprise. It seemed like she was getting ready to be scolded. "Forgiveness is a gift; the right to let you have a chance for forgiveness is in the hands of the affected person. People."

Senia bit her lips in embarrassment. Even the word ’people’ seemed to be too little to represent those whom she had wronged. Those who she treated like her abuser treated her.

After all, two wrongs don’t make a right. Many wrongs definitely didn’t make a right.

"I...had met with some people who the new guildmaster managed to convince--oh, she was there too, so you can check if you want."

"Hmm; and?"

"I apologize, truly. I tried to recall what I felt back then and...and...I think..." she swallowed, mulling over her next words. Mulling over her forgotten feelings. "I think...I would have been less bitter--no, I would have been happy--if they apologized to me. I mean, they did apologize, but only after I got powerful--oh, I mean..." she sighed, and then took a deep breath. "Well...I realized that it might be too late, so I knew they wouldn’t forgive me. I think...they also thought I just apologized because you told me to..."

"Didn’t you?" freeweɓnovel.cøm

Senia pressed her lips. Indeed, if Zein hadn’t given her this ’homework’, she might never have done it, even if she felt guilty and realized her mistakes. And if she hadn’t experienced how it felt to be mocked and abused by those above her, she might do it half-heartedly, just for the sake of gaining Zein’s favor.

But as she made the list, she realized that a lot that she did was, ironically, what had been done to him. Perhaps, unconsciously, she was taking her revenge on the wrong person, even after she had already taken her revenge against the right person.

"What are you going to do if they don’t want to give you any forgiveness?"

Senia looked at the clear blue eyes that seemed to be looking at her soul. She knew she couldn’t lie in front of those eyes.

"I’ll...be sad, and a bit upset, but...haa..." she looked at her slightly chipped nail. "I won’t blame them. If they won’t forgive me before June, then...I’ll try again once the reclamation is over."

"To what end?"

"...until they forgive me, or...telling me to fuck off, I guess?"

Zein smiled then, although Senia couldn’t see it with her lowered gaze. "I told you forgiveness is a gift, so if you want to receive one, the first thing you need to do is ask," he said. "It’s their right whether they want to give what you’ve asked for, but at the very least, you ask. And..."

Senia blinked as she caught the forlorn gaze that suddenly invaded the guide’s eyes. He was staring out the window, at the bright spring sky.

"Be thankful, that you still have the chance to ask."

Senia parted her lips, but her mind was blank. In the end, she just lowered her gaze again, mulling over the guide’s words. As she fell into contemplative thought, the assistant girl entered the room again, stopping in front of the door.

"Boss, the Temple’s representatives are here again," she said.

Senia blinked. "The Temple?"

"Go back," Zein stood up and shooed the girl away, before shifting back to the assistant as he walked to the door. "An older woman and a younger man?"

"Yep."

He glanced at his commlink--they did give him a text that they were coming. They were no longer asking if she would meet them, just saying that they would come, and they would wait until Zein could meet them. They were here three days ago, just as Zein was on the plane back to Federation.

"Why is the Temple looking for you?" Senia followed Zein and Alice, tilting her head curiously. "Didn’t you just go there?"

"Different Temple."

"Whaaat?"

"I told you to go back."

"So stingy..." she pursed her lips; seemed like she was feeling better because the guide did not scold her for her failure to receive forgiveness from her victims. But when Zein glanced at her with a pair of cold eyes, she stopped in her tracks and hiccuped reflexively. "Ugh--fine, fine, I’ll go back."

She exhaled in disappointment and finally stopped following Zein. He didn’t care where she would go after that, but he had no intention of babysitting an esper while he had an important business to attend to--although it was quite fascinating how obedient the girl had become in just a short period.

"They’re in lounge five, Boss."

Zein could see it without Alice telling him, because of course, the management would provide extra care for representatives from the Temple. The external affairs department’s staff were making a silent fuss outside of the lounge, and he had to tell them to not bother with anything but simple refreshments. Zein would have accepted them in Ishtera’s townhouse like before if he wasn’t so busy.

Swallowing his sigh, he entered the room, and the guests stood up immediately. As he walked to the couch, he realized there was something different in their gaze. They were polite before, but they were even more polite now. Both priests had a perfect posture and bent their waists to bow deeply at him. Their gaze, including the templars, was bright and...

Was that reverence?

It felt weird, honestly, but that feeling was instantly forgotten when he heard what they came there to say.

"The Temple had decided to accept all of your demands, Sir."

Huh...