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... p> It was just another day in the tragic sitcom that Parker Black called life. Same old, same old: roll out of bed, half-asleep, brush his teeth, and maybe take a shower—if the universe was feeling generous. Breakfast? Sure, if by "breakfast" you meant sitting at the table while Aunt Helena scowled like he'd stolen her some of her youth even though she was still hot, Uncle Robert ignored him like a ghost, and Julian tried to subtly trip him on the way out.

After that delightful family bo ...

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