Beast World: I Became the Little Villain's Mommy-Chapter 470: Extra: Bai Feng 4_2

Even if I couldn’t have her exclusively, I was confident that after becoming her Beast Husband, I would regain her attention.

...

She doesn’t like me.

It seems I have no chance.

...

It really seems like I have no chance at all.

...

What should I do? Si Yan doesn’t like me. All my love for her seems to have become an unspeakable secret.

How can I tell her that I’ve been secretly watching her for hundreds of years, that my love for her has penetrated deep into my bones?

She won’t be moved.

She will be frightened.

I will push her even further away.

...

I’m in agony.

I can’t see any hope anymore.

I can see no end to my loneliness.

...

"Bai Feng," Long Ze found me.

"Bai Feng, liven up a bit."

I answered, "I will protect her. I will do everything in my power to help her."

"Bai Feng!"

I replied, "I know, I know it all!"

I screamed out in heart-wrenching agony, "Long Ze, I’ve worked for you for so many years! I’ve done so much for the Beast World! I’ve helped countless Beastmen! Can’t I, just this once, stoop low for my own sake?!"

I saw Long Ze was stunned.

"Bai Feng, is Si Yan your love tribulation?"

I was silent, then nodded. "Yes."

A rare twitch tugged at the corners of Long Ze’s mouth.

I knew he doted on Si Yan; from his perspective, she might be even more important than I was.

He was silent for a long time before he finally said, "Take it easy."

After another long moment, Long Ze slowly said, "...Bai Feng, don’t die."

Long Ze is a great Beast God, the Beast God I respect.

All Beastmen in the Beast World revere me as if I were a Beast God.

Only he knew that I was not a purely good being. He was the only one who knew I had killed, the only one who had witnessed me make mistake after mistake and yet still acknowledged my presence in this world.

Yes, I am a despicable High Priest.

I knew that, to some extent, he had decided to turn a blind eye to what I was about to do.

Whatever I do, he might scold me, but he won’t oppose me.

In the Legacy World, I initiated another contest of mates, competing with Wang.

Under the fair mechanisms of the Legacy World, I, too, lost my memories.

Having lost my memories, I lost once again.

And the reason for my loss was, astonishingly, my personality.

I was too dull.

I was too controlling, watched her too closely, like a guardian.

She really started to see me as an elder.

Not the way one likes a partner.

...

I told myself to let go.

Yet, I would suddenly go mad, desperately wanting to compete.

I’m not willing to accept that all my romantic prospects have withered.

I really can’t accept it.

Then, I’d persuade myself again to let go.

It felt like two little figures inside me were locked in a tug-of-war.

I live in White Eagle City, yet I often gaze in the direction of the Delusional Domain.

My eyes couldn’t see that far, but I deceived myself, imagining things happening over there.

「A year passed.」

「Five years passed.」

「Ten years passed.」

「A hundred years passed.」

「A thousand years passed.」

Though ageless, a deep weariness now filled my eyes.

Over the millennium, many things happened.

For example, Si Yan and Wang got married; an Earth-style wedding.

I attended their grand wedding. I watched the ceremony, my heart calm yet turbulent.

For example, Tai Seng refused the eternal life Si Yan wished to grant him.

As a Golden Crystal Beastman, he had a relatively long lifespan and died at the age of five hundred and eight.

That time, I went too.

I saw Si Yan shed tears for Tai Seng’s departure and wondered if she would shed tears for me if I died.

If she would shed a single tear, it would feel as if my heart was full again.

I saw the ancient Priest’s scepter fastened at her waist.

Yet, a secret joy bloomed within my heart.

Wang had given her the Heart-guarding Scale.

And I—my little finger bone, she carried it with her.

Furthermore, Ming Yan also died of old age, Dark Saint too; many, many Beastmen had died of old age.

But I still lived. Si Yan was still alive. Wang was still alive.

Yet, I grew increasingly numb.

Living too long, experiencing too much, many things gradually faded from memory.

However, I had tried, yet I couldn’t forget Si Yan.

My love tribulation seemed to have passed, yet it also felt as if it hadn’t.

That day, the sun was so intense that I couldn’t open my eyes.

An unexpected guest arrived at my tree hollow.

My old friend, the Dragon God Long Ze, had actually come.

"Bai Feng! Hey, long time no see!" Long Ze greeted me just like an old friend.

I looked him in the eyes and led him into the tree hollow.

I poured him a glass of water, and after sitting down, I asked, "Didn’t you go to the Dragon Realm to become the Dragon God? Were you unhappy there? What brings you to the Beast World?"

Long Ze engaged in some small talk with me before finally revealing the purpose of his visit to the Beast World.

Long Ze looked at me intently, took a sip of water, and then said, "Honestly, Bai Feng, I really hadn’t expected..."

"Hadn’t expected what?"

"I thought you were a very persistent person, someone who couldn’t let go easily. After learning Si Yan was your love tribulation, I assumed..."

"Assumed I would try to sabotage Si Yan and Wang’s relationship?"

Long Ze was silent, which was as good as an admission. 𝙛𝓻𝒆𝒆𝒘𝙚𝓫𝙣𝙤𝒗𝙚𝓵.𝙘𝙤𝙢

I did consider it... My heart grew heavy.

I had, in fact, wondered if being a villain would be easier, if being more despicable would make the pain more bearable.

After all, I wasn’t Tai Seng.

Because I wasn’t even a Guardian Beast!

Tai Seng might not have become a Beast Husband, but that was all it was—he didn’t become one. He had family by his side; he was never alone.

But I, I was utterly alone.

So why hadn’t I done it?

I didn’t know either.

I hadn’t taken that final step. I hadn’t destroyed their relationship. I hadn’t schemed to take advantage of any vulnerability. I couldn’t bring myself to be more despicable, not even a little bit more.

A little regret. A little confusion. A little lost.

But I think, I was probably just afraid...

"I’m afraid that Si Yan will hate me," I said.

Long Ze was silent for a while and then said, "Bai Feng, did you fail to overcome your love tribulation?"

"I suppose I did fail, since I haven’t ascended to godhood," I responded calmly.

I hadn’t ascended to godhood, but neither had I perished and faded from existence.

Long Ze regarded me deeply once more.

Long Ze and I had a complex relationship, forged over many years of friction, that encompassed both respect and friendship.

He said, "Let me take you away from here; let me take you to the Phoenix Realm."

"You have the Phoenix God bloodline; the Phoenix God can help you ascend to godhood."

"Long Ze, I failed my love tribulation. I can no longer ascend to godhood."

"It doesn’t matter. The Phoenix God in the Phoenix Realm has no descendants. If you return, you will be his sole descendant, and he will do everything in his power to help you ascend to godhood. Besides, after all your years in the Beast World, you’re practically radiating meritorious divine light. Bai Feng, I am certain you can become a god."

"Bai Feng, go become a god."

Bai Feng, stop being someone or other’s High Priest. Go become a god.

I was silent. Yet, the silence was deafening.

...

In the end, I agreed to leave with Long Ze.

When it was time for us to leave, Si Yan and Wang came to see us off.

Wang was very good to her. She looked much healthier and more vibrant than she had a thousand years ago, her spirits high.

I knew Wang had taken very good care of her.

In that moment, I actually didn’t know if I had let go, but I thought, maybe I had.

"Si Yan, Wang, I’m leaving."

"Bai Feng," she called out to me. I stopped and looked back at her.

"Until we meet again."

My heart pounded, tore, and roared within me.

I stood there, watching her.

"Si Yan, until we meet again."