Beers and Beards-Chapter 32Book 4: : The Spring Ball

“Ach, Pete, you look fine. Stop preenin’ and finish buttonin’ yer paulders!” Balin groused, tapping his foot next to the door.

I leaned in closer to the mirror and checked under my beard. “And you don’t see any green? My skin is clear?”

“Yer goin’ to an ELF party! And yer’ bringin’ that Gods awful cider with ya. Everyone is gonna be green by the end of it!”

“Hey, I need to look my best, I have a date!”

Balin rolled his eyes. “A human date! I’m not judgin, but if ya couldn’t decide on a nice dwarfess, you shoulda at least brought Penelope, who’s moren’ you deserve!”

“Hardy har. I didn’t bring any of the family on purpose. This isn’t that kind of a party.”

“Annie says Aqua’s ready to wring yer neck.” Balin chuckled. “She wanted to go so bad.”

“We had ta leave someone in charge, and it wasn't going to be Johnsson.” I adjusted my outfit, then gave myself one last once-over and nodded with satisfaction. An ornate set of gold-embossed leather armour over a shining set of silver chain lent me just the right level of glitz, while my steel-shod boots and black silk pants gave it a dangerous, debonair air. I added a crimson cloak with the Thirsty Goat emblem emblazoned on it and gave a swirl. “And we need ta get Mirelda out in public before someone absconds with ‘er.”

“Mmm… fair ‘nough.”

“Do I look noble-y?” I asked Balin, striking a pose. “Annie got me the cloak.”

“Ach, aye, why not. You’d fit right in with tha lot in Blackwall.”

“Aw, not Whitewall?”

“Nah, not fancy enough. You’ll need a higher Charisma first, or some social Abilities. Now hurry up, the ladies are meetin’ us in a minute.” He tapped his breast pocket where his pocket watch lay ticking away.

I followed him out the door to wait in the clan’s main hall where the painting of Annie stared down at us with a stern gaze. “Psh. Youngster, the ladies are never on time to a party. They’ll be at least a quarter hour late,” I drawled.

As it turned out, they were only five minutes late.

Mostly because of Mirelda’s dress.

Balin and I blinked as our dates made their way down from the powder room they’d commandeered upstairs. Mirelda was dressed in a low-cut frilly chiffon thing that ballooned out to nearly match her massive height. It was the same colour as my cloak, and was shaped to look like a blossoming rose. Her hair was done up in ringlets, and she wore a bright green emerald that matched my eyes on her breast. The entire ensemble sparkled, either from enchantments or embedded gems.

Annie was dressed in a gown that was closer to something I’d have expected from a sixties swing flapper. It hugged her muscular curves and turned into a set of shining silver pauldrons as it reached her upper chest. Pearls spiraled down the affair in ornate silver rivers. It was accented by a pair of gleaming bracers.

I gulped, looking at Mirelda. She smiled nervously and patted her gown as she took down the last step. “Does it look good? I’ve never worn anything like this before.”

My mind flashed through compliments, before landing on, “Hark, It is the east, and Mirelda is the sun!”

She stuck her tongue out. “Juliette was a minor you know.”

“Eh, then let’s stick with ‘you look great’.”

“Even without the facial hair?” Mirelda stuck her hand under her chin and wiggled her fingers like some kind of horrific tentacle beard.

“Even then,” I choked. “You’ll strike ‘em mute at the ball.”

“It’s working already then.” Annie muttered, giving Balin a wink. For his part, he was still staring slack-jawed at her, and she tapped him lovingly on the chest, then thumped him when he didn’t stop gawping.

“Guh, you look… like a vision of Tiara’s Keep melove,” he eventually blurted.

“Ach, you always know what to say,” Annie murmured, leaning forward to kiss him on the cheek.

I cleared my throat as the two started to kiss a little harder. “Before we go, we need to make sure we’re all on the same page. Mirelda, as one of the Chosen, is gonna be under close scrutiny at this event. Balin, you and Starshine will need to keep her within sight at all times, and make a fuss if anyone tries to get her to leave with them.”

“Aye,” Baline nodded.

I turned to Mirelda. “Mirelda, Joseph and I have laid out the options for you. It’s pretty much guaranteed tha King will make some overtures, and we still recommend you don’t swear yerself to ‘im. If he asks ya to step into tha royal antechamber to chat, we really recommend you avoid doin’ so without Joseph or meself and a guard.”

Mirelda raised a sardonic brow. “That Raspberrysyrup swore, didn’t she? Are you sure that you and Joseph aren’t just trying to hog me to yourselves?”

“Berry has leverage, and is famous in her own right, and I still think it was a bad idea in the long run. Just because it made it easier for her and Joseph now doesn’t mean it won’t cost her later. I don’t care how much in love she is, she needs to think about her future.”

Mirelda snorted. “Ah yes, spoken like a true father.”

“Damn straight. Speakin’ of which, have you considered my and Joseph’s offer? We’re happy to put you up and pay you a salary, and all we want is books in the style of Earth. I’d be partial to some Sci-Fi myself, though Joseph really wants some history books.”

“I’m thinking about it.” She sighed. “But I really am stuck, Pete. The creative juices just aren’t flowing; it’s like I’m afraid to write.”

“You had bounty hunters after ya due to yer last book, didn’t you? Fear’s a natural response.” I assuaged her.

“Ach, just punch ‘em in the nose and then do what ya want.” Balin gave a jabbing motion.

This tale has been unlawfully lifted from Royal Road; report any instances of this story if found elsewhere.

“We’ll watch out for you. Don’t you worry, Mire.” Annie gave her a pat on the back.

“Thanks Annie.” Mirelda smiled back. “And I’ll think about it, Pete. And I do appreciate that you didn’t just offer me money.”

“Hah! Pete’s too greedy to just give gold away!” Annie laughed.

I snorted. “Bah humbug. Anyways, if things get tight, the Goat is a magical door away. And if tha King uses any Abilities on you, the enchanted items we got ya should prevent ‘em from affectin’ you for a short while.”

Mirelda’s hand went to a brooch on her breast, her face sour. “Was it expensive? I’ll pay you back.”

“Yes, and no, consider it the ‘Earther’s sticking together’ tax for my success.”

A voice hollered from upstairs, breaking into our conversation. “Bossman! It's time!”

“Carriage is waiting outside the Tree door,” I said, giving Annie a nod. “Let’s not keep Kirk waiting.”

“Aye. Let’s go.” She grabbed Balin and towed him out the door, leaving me standing awkwardly with Mirelda.

“Shall we?” I asked, holding out my arm, then leaning comically upwards.

She took a deep breath, steeling herself, and leaned down. “Yes, let's.”

—

The royal elven palace was a beacon in the night, lighting nearly halfway up the massive [Mother Tree]. Ornate carriages carted dignitaries to and fro, pulled by everything from unigoats to horses and everything in between.

Our own carriage was a plush rental pulled by a pair of chestnut roans. Upon arriving at the main entrance we made our way inside while Kirk wheeled the carriage to the kitchen entrance and began unloading boxes of cider from his [Storage].

We joined the throng as they moved slowly towards the grand ballroom, which was situated in one of the largest and outermost buildings of the palace. It was a towering glass and marble affair, with a stained glass dome on top. Images of plants and animals swam in patterns on the [Mother Tree] as bright light streamed out from within.

Mirelda clutched my arm harder as we gave the majordomo our names.

“Donnae worry. It’ll be fine,” I murmured. “You remember what we discussed?”

She nodded.

And then the doors swung open and we stepped out onto the balcony overlooking the ballroom as our names were announced.

Mirelda squeaked, and even I felt a bit overwhelmed as a sheer wave of high Charisma and Abilities flowed over us. The ballroom was packed with nobility and their hangers on, and every person here glittered or sparkled or caught the eye with their sheer animal magnetism. The ballroom was a circular space at least a couple hundred meters in diameter, with a beautiful mosaic covering nearly the entire floor. The balcony we were standing on stretched around the entire room, with partitions and loungers scattered here and there to provide a place for those tired of the bustle below.

A grand stairway swept down to the dance floor, and it took me a feverish moment to recognize that no, everybody was not staring at us. We were barely a blip on the radar as the high nobility fawned around various Dukes and Counts and the rest were distracted with dancing to a jaunty waltz by the live orchestra.

Mirelda squeaked, and I gave her a reassuring pat on the hand. “It’s fine. Nobody cares about you, you aren’t important, Nobody’s paying attention to us at all.”

She laughed, sickly. “Gee, thanks.”

“No really, I mean it, nobody is actually looking at us. There’s an Ability that a lot of nobles pick up that makes you think they’re looking at you. It’s called [All Watching Eye]. I’ve run into it a bunch now. It doesn’t let them actually see everything, just makes it look like they do. It’s helpful for both Kings and middle school teachers.”

“Hah, I see.”

We made our way down the stairs then looked back up to watch Balin and Annie descend the stairs. Balin looked like he had an axe up his butt, which he possibly did, but Annie looked positively radiant.

“Finally, I was getting worried.” A voice sniped from behind me.

I turned around and gave Starshine a bright smile. “You look great! Finally out of that old iron armour and into something nicer, eh? Exploring Cascadia has been good to you.”

Starshine preened in her brand spanking new, silvery-blue Mithril plate armour. “Aye. Makes me feel like one of the Church guards, or a royal [Knight]. But it weighs a lot less than I’m used to, so I’m not sure if I like it.”

“You’ll get used to it.” Balin muttered as he and Annie joined us. He nodded at his team captain. “Starshine.”

She nodded back. “Balin. Pete, the Crack ambassadorial party is over to the north-west of the floor, and Greybough’s people are just south of them. Berry and Joseph are swamped with dignitaries from the Eastern human Kingdoms, so they won’t be able to meet you till later. Joseph sends his regards.”

I nodded, grateful for the info. “And the King?”

“He’s over at the royal box.” She pointed to the south. “Where the crowd is thickest.”

“Phew. Maybe he’ll be too busy to care.” I sighed a breath of relief.

“Maybe. But, there’s someone even more important in attendance.” Starshine grinned, her teeth flashing.

“Someone more important than the King?” My face slowly contorted as realization dawned. “You don’t mean – !”

Starshine nodded sagely. “Aye. I heard it from Guildmaster Stein. Master Romero is in attendance.”

I groaned. “He never comes to these events! Why is he here!?”

“Why would I know? I just know that you’ve been dying to meet him. For reasons I can’t comprehend.”

“Who?” Mirelda asked, breaking into my mania.

I whirled on her. “Master Romero! The Master Romero, the creator of Elvish Wine!”

She tilted her head. “Oh… is that impressive?”

I blinked at her. “Is that – is that impressive? I dunno, would you be impressed to meet the very first author?”

“Honestly, I’d probably be more fascinated by meeting Mary Shelley, or Jane Austin.”

“Sure. Let’s use that. This is like meeting Tolkein, but he’s not dead.”

“Oooh, that is impressive. But we really should mix a bit first. Maybe get a dance or two in?” She gave me a mischievous smile, her dimples winking. “If he’s that old, he can wait.”

“Now yer’ just teasin’ me,” I growled.

She feigned horrified outrage. “But my date is saying he wants to disappear! And on our first date too! Imagine, leaving a lady alone at her first ball to go drinking!” Annie and Starshine shook their heads with mock displeasure. Balin took a small step out of the line of sight. Traitor.

“It’s not to go drinkin’, it’s ta meet one of the people who invented drinking! It’s different!” My shoulders slumped. “But yer right. We should go meet folks and be sociable. Mebbe do some dancin’ first. He’ll probably still be here later.”

Mirelda laughed, and grabbed me on the shoulders, spinning me in the direction Starshine had indicated. “I’m only joking, come on! Let’s go and meet Tolkein. But you’ll owe me two dances afterwards.”

“Your wish is my command.” I grinned back as Starshine led the way throught the crowd. It took a while, as we had to stop and greet people along the way. As the Forefather of Brewing and the creator of the Tree Brewing School, I was somewhat famous in my own right. The faces all blurred together though, as I only had one thing on my mind.

And then there he was.

[Master Vintner of Barck], an ancient with millennia of history. He was a literal giant of a helf, with lean corded muscle, dressed in a simple yet elegant traditional elven sarong. His eyes were deep wells of age and wisdom, and his features were dignified yet expressive.

A legend among elves, and impossible to meet under most circumstances.

He was in a secluded ‘back corner’ of the ballroom, out of the way of the hustle and bustle, but not as quiet as it would’ve been up on the balcony.

And he was currently in a heated, not-quite-shouting match with a familiar young scarred beastfolk.

“Noooo….” I groaned, as the yelling went up another notch. “Not this guy again.”

“Do you know him?” Mirelda asked?

I glowered at the beastman as he launched into a fresh tirade. “Aye. How wil