[BL] Dear Hushand, I want divorce-Chapter 37: Emotional breakdown

Ash’s pov ;

Elijah’s eyes darted between Benji and me, a look of disappointment etched on his face. And it was clear what he was thinking, probably why did he give me a chance.

And the murmurs from the crowd didn’t help the situation at all.

"Why is he even back?"

"Didn’t he go to jail for trying to murder his sister?

"Why would anyone risk hiring him?"

These people knew nothing about my past or the truth. Yet, they have the audacity to utter garbage about me.

"Ash suddenly attacked Benji when Benji was just congratulating him." Someone explained to Elijah.

"Ash, what were you-" Elijah began with a fierce glare towards me but Benji cut him off.

"Elijah!" He grabbed Elijah’s arm, his voice oozing with pain and fake concern. "Please don’t scold Ash. I don’t blame him for hitting me. He must be tired and overwhelmed after everything he’s been through."

His words were more like a taunt but again no ones sane enough to understand them there. Hiding behinding Elijah, his smug face infuriates me further. So, without thinking I lunged at him again.

"You fakeass-"

"Ahh—!"

"Ash, behave yourself!" However, Elijah was ready to intervene this time, pulling me away aggressively and shoving me away from Benji.

"Let me go! This bastard deserves more punches!" In blind rage, I shoved someone hard, not realising it was Elijah I was pushing. He stumbled, then fell to the floor.

Gasps filled the room. And I froze.

"What did he do?"

"Did he just push Elijah?"

"Wow, Mr. Stone has fired him a long time again. This is how he pays his kindness."

"They should kick him out of the drama already. Who would like to watch such an arrogant and snobbish actor."

Their disdainful and negative comments weren’t reaching me because I was busy looking down at Elijah. He was on the ground gazing at me, he shook his head and clicked his tongue in disappointment.

My heart pounded in my chest so loud I could hear it in my ears. My palms were sweaty and cold sweat broke out on my forehead. I was too deep in guilt before the reality sinked in.

What...did I just do?

I felt suffocating, the judgemental gaze from the crowd and Elijah’s discontented eyes made me feel small. It made me feel like a kicked dog that couldn’t help but bite back. I wished the ground could break and swallow me whole. So, I don’t have to face anyone.

Daniel helped Elijah pull me up, but my mind was a blur. The pain in my head was increasing, my heart racing too fast. I barely registered Elijah grabbing my wrist and dragging me along forcefully.

The next thing I knew, I was slumped in a chair in Elijah’s office and Daniel was speaking something but his voice felt distant and muffled. "Mr Stone is handling the situation, don’t worry. Benji is on the way to the hospital. Mr Stone is talking to the director now."

I nodded mechanically, my leg bouncing uncontrollably. The click of the door broke through my haze, and Elijah’s voice filled the room, sharp and cutting. "Thank you, Daniel. You can take your leave now."

Daniel’s footsteps retreated, leaving a heavy silence.

I kept staring at the floor, unable to meet Elijah’s eyes when he approached me. His polished leather shoes entered my view, and I flinched at the vigour in his voice. "What were you thinking, Ash?" he demanded harshly. "Do you realise you almost lost this role? I have to beg the director for another chance. I have never begged before but today you made me do it too. Are you satisfied now?"

I didn’t speak but the shaking of my leg increased, my knee bouncing nervously. So, he thinks it’s my fault too, just like everyone else. Sometimes, I wonder why he bothers to stand up for me at all.

I feel so fucking tired and frustrated and angry. At Elijah, at myself. I hate how he makes me feel with his judgmental tone. I just want him to shut up. I want the world to just stop for a moment, so I can catch my breath. I want...I need something, anything, to stop all this bullshit around me.

I look at Elijah, at his perfectly gelled hair and his meticulous suit. At his cold eyes and stern jawline. The enraged expression on his face was ugly, the anger twisting his handsome features into something monstrous.

I wanted to hurt him.

The thought came from nowhere, but it was overwhelming, like a dam bursting open. I wanted to hurt everyone who’s hurting me.

"That’s why you begged me to take your name off the blacklist, just so you could create a mess again?" He growled angrily.

A bitter chuckle escaped me, my eyes glistening with unshed tears. As if he wasn’t the reason I got blacklisted in the first place just to end up in this mess.

"You’re laughing? Why are fuck are you laughing?!"

My face felt hot and tight, every muscle in my body trembling. My shoulders hunched, and my hands twisted in my lap, knuckles white from the apprehension. The vulnerability was etched into every line of my body, my thoughts were a chaotic mess.

It doesn’t feel like my life anymore. I’m just living on commands, a puppet on strings. Everything felt useless and empty.

"I’m sorry," I whispered weekly. "I didn’t mean to make you beg the director because of me. I just...lost my temper for a moment."

He wasn’t even listening to my explanation. "That still doesn’t give you the right to hit Benji. He’s also an employee under my company. It’s my responsibility to make sure they’re protected."

Seeing him defending Benji, something inside me snapped. "I don’t give a fuck about your responsibility!" I cried out, my voice breaking. "If that dirty, good-for-nothing actor provokes me again, I’ll hit him again."

My chest heaved with the effort of breathing, tears threatening to roll down my face. I was tired, broken, and it seemed like there was no way out.

His eyes widened, then narrowed. "Then, you’ll face the consequences."

I clenched my fists, my nails digging into my palms. "Consequences? My whole life has been nothing but consequences!" I shouted. "You think I care about your rules and responsibilities? After I have lost everything?!"

He lost his temper and abruptly sat down beside me, gripping my arms like steel bands. "What did Benji do that was so bad you had to stoop so low to hit him? You need to keep your temper at bay. You’re not a reputable actor anymore where your every mistake will be slided–"

"He taunted me by saying I slept with you to get this role!!"

He froze, his expression morphing from anger to stunned disbelief. The weight of his gaze felt heavy on my face, and I could feel the heat rising, my vision blurring with unshed tears. I shoved him back, my chest heaving with each ragged breath. "Did you even ask why I punched him? No, you just jump to conclusions like always. Why do you always believe everyone else but not me? Do you know how much it hurts, Elijah?"

My voice rose and he stared at me in disbelief. "Do you know how hard it is to fight everything and everyone alone? When there’s no one to turn to?"

I grabbed his collar, my fingers clenching right and shaking with sobs. Elijah’s blank stare only fueled my desperation. "Why do you hate me so much? Why don’t you tell me?!"

The room seemed to spin as I struggled to breathe, my chest tight with suppressed pain. "Do you know how alone and...lonely I felt in our marriage? Always b-begging for just one look from you. One look, yet you could never give me that. Do you know how it feels to be invisible to the one person who should see you the most? To feel like you’re nothing, like you don’t matter at all?"

My voice cracked with every word and cried, came out of me. It was embarrassing to cry in front of him. But I feel like I’d die if I kept these emotions bottled anymore.

"Every day, I woke up hoping today would be different, that you’d see me, that you’d care. But you never did. And now, after everything, you still don’t. What do I have to do for you to see me, Elijah? What do I have to do for you to care?"

Tears streamed down my face, my body convulsing with the force of my grief. But he remained silent, his face a mask of shock and confusion, his body slightly shrinking from my emotional onslaught.

While crying, I rested my head on his shoulder, not wanting to show him how pathetic I looked while crying like a baby. "You took everything from me, Elijah. N-Not leaving a...single thing."

His body stiffened under my touch but I don’t think that he gives a damn about me. I took a shaky breath, my tears soaking through his shirt. "You w-wanted to hurt me, to ruin my life, but did you have to be so cruel? Why don’t you feel any...sympathy for me?"

He didn’t answer as expected. I continued, "Benji was right. I did sell my body to you since I’m nothing more than a dirty manwhore." My sobs grew louder making it hard to breathe.

I felt Elijah’s hands rest on my back, and he softly said my name, but I couldn’t stop. "Do you know how it felt when the only person I got attached to after my father died cheated on me? You already know about my diseases now, right?"

I looked up at him and I knew my face was a mess. He stared down at me with an expression I couldn’t read, but his eyes were soft now. I gulped down air, trying to steady myself. "I never got attached to my sister and mother. They never liked me and always abused me until I started fighting back in defence. So what’s wrong with that?"

My sobs subsided for a moment, my breath hitching as I tried to speak. "B-But then my father left me too...leaving me all alone. You pushed me away too, but it was worse. The only friend I have left, you won’t let me meet him as well. You’re the worst of everyone."

I buried my face in his shoulder. "I hate you. I hate you."

Elijah’s grip tightened slightly, his own breath coming in uneven gasps as he held me. I pulled back slightly, looking up at him through my tear-filled eyes. "Why did y-you do it? Why did you...make my life a...living hell?"