[BL] Debut in Interstellar After Retiring as Grim Reaper-Chapter 262 - 260: Salvation

Trigger warning: please beware for the sensitive topic such as suicide and self-abuse will be mentioned below.

Chapter 260: Salvation

"Brother Pei, just call me if you need anything okay?" Pei Roujin’s assistant worriedly looked at the man inside the room. There was no single light inside and he couldn’t see the full expression of Pei Roujin but he knew that the man was still like how he became after the waves of challenges erupted everything.

As expected Pei Roujin didn’t respond so he could only close the door slowly and leave the man’s condominium with a heavy heart.

Inside the room, the man didn’t even move a single movement from the noise and just lay there with a tired face.

Ever since Pei Roujin decided to reveal the truth about his family’s real background, he had been constantly feeling that the things around him were too rushed and heavy.

Even though justice was finally approaching, Pei Roujin felt like something was still wrong. His heart was not in peace and he felt like the heaviness would always stay.

The company even decided to postpone his activities so he could fully focus on this matter but he could really not just bring himself back again. These days all he could do was to mechanically move his body according to the habitual routine without really feeling the day and his surroundings then just go back to his room and lay lifelessly.

Truthfully he didn’t know what the right to feel.

Should he feel happy because justice finally came? Should he feel relieved that the perpetrators are now in jail?

But he couldn’t.

He felt it was not enough.

"Yaoyao, what should I do?" Pei Roujin whispered his sister’s name. "Brother feels that it was not enough. I’ve caught them for you and Mom... but why?"

’Your sister has indeed been with you all this time.’

Pei Roujin suddenly remembered Qin An and what happened at that time.

From the moment he heard that his sister was actually just right beside him all this time felt like a bombshell thrown at him.

Truthfully, he couldn’t even feel happy with that news. Just as the thought of her all alone these years— constantly following him and he didn’t even notice a single thing, how cruel is that for a child?

Yaoyao died at a young age, she endured something that no alive could ever feel. How much fear and loneliness she had been feeling everyday because no one could see her?

How many times did she cry and no one wiped her tears? How many times she called his name but no answer?

Just by those questions, despair once again clouded inside his heart. There was no joy for the justice he fought but only an endless pain because he wasn’t there again for her.

"Yaoyao... were you scared?" Pei Roujin got up and stared blankly at just the space in front of him. He didn’t know where she’s standing right now but he wanted to talk to her desperately.

"Were you crying again because your brother didn’t respond to you?" Pei Roujin’s eyes got clouded in tears.

"I-I..." his lips trembled. "I-I’m sorry..." Both of his hands caught his hair and gripped it tightly. He ignored the stinging pain of his scalp because the aching on his heart was worse than anything else.

"I-I’m sorry, Yaoyao..." those were the words he could only repeatedly utter. He didn’t know she’s with him all along. He didn’t mean to ignore her cries and pain but still, he couldn’t get along with that fact.

"It’s all because your brother is incompetent and a coward. I didn’t do anything, I didn’t notice anything. Yaoyao, you’ve suffered too much. Brother is sorry..." Pei Rouijin’s body was shaking because of the overwhelming emotions that grew inside him.

His face was totally distorted, full of pain from the reality in front of him.

How could he make up with this?

... right, how?

Suddenly his whole body stiffened when his mind caught that question.

Now that he knows she’s here and what she’s been doing, rather than just say sorry shouldn’t he do something to make it up?

How would he do it?

Pei Roujin subconsciously tightens his grip on his hair. When the pain rushed from his scalp, he thought about one thing.

He’s a human.

He couldn’t do anything because he’s a human.

He couldn’t see her because he’s still alive.

If he dies, he can see her right?

Only them can see her but he doesn’t have their ability. He couldn’t wait. He doesn’t want her to feel alone again.

Souls can see souls.

If he dies, they can be together. He can accompany her now.

He can wipe her tears and she’ll have her brother again.

These thoughts were poured inside his mind like crazy and just by the thought that he could see her again put a light on his dead eyes.

"Yaoyao... wait for me."

Pei Roujin forces his trembling body to move. He reached out for something inside his bag before he staggeredly walked towards the bathroom. He dragged his body with heavy steps and his mind went blank for everything else aside from the repeated thought of the solution he thought of.

He was like a drunk man being lured by the hypnotizing singing from a mermaid. His eyes fell empty and his body gradually turned numb.

When he got inside, he lay inside the cold bathtub and let the water run fast.

As the coldness began seeping his clothes, he raised the thing he picked and the sharp edge from the dagger shone on him.

He could see a slight blurry reflection on the cold weapon and saw his dreadful eyes. There was no fear nor hesitation but just a faint anticipation that he could finally see his little sister after all of this.

"Yaoyao, you go outside for a bit okay?" He tried to voice those words as gently as possible even if it was too hoarse and dry.

"Don’t look at me. Stay outside and wait for brother," he softly consoled even if he couldn’t see her.

But that doesn’t matter.

After this, she’ll no longer feel afraid because he’ll be with her.

While waiting for the water to be full inside the bathtub, Pei Roujin stayed staring blankly at the wall in front of him.

Its coldness was like small sharp needles piercing his skin but he didn’t move a bit.

There was only silence aside from the dripping water and it echoed inside the small bathroom. Pei Roujin couldn’t think of anything else aside from the endless regret that he couldn’t see his sister from all those years.

When he still thought that everything was just an accident, he tried his best to live well for her dreams for him. He opened his heart and lived day by day, fulfilling the life that was stolen from her young age.

He thought everything was fine.

He thought he’ll just move on.

Unbeknownst to him, she stayed and called for him.

Now that he knew everything, how could he stay alive and well? How could he not want to stay with her?

As the water rose, Pei Roujin tightened his grip to the dagger and put the edge on his stomach. The veins on his arms are showing, clearly an obvious sign of something but that didn’t pull him to stop.

Instead he slowly pushed it down on it.

"U-Uhm," A small hum from pain escaped from his lips when the dagger was slowly penetrating his stomach.

A wave of excruciating pain rushed all over him and his body was screaming of pain. His body quivers and it wants to get out from the cold water that’s hindering the recovery yet he forces himself to remain still.

He pushed it again harder and deeper inside making him cough in blood.

The water gradually turned bloody red and as he submerged his whole body underwater, he pulled the dagger and a wave of blood splashed out again from his body.

He knew that his condition would only worsen if he stayed in the water but that was his intention. And even to speed up his death, he lay himself directly underwater and stared at the water turning red.

Suffocation quickly filled him. The remaining air on his lungs was rapidly decreasing and he could feel his energy disappearing.

Memories of his past with his mother and Yaoyao flashed in his mind.

Pei Roujin wanted to smile but suddenly, a voice sounded from his head.

"Emperor Pei!"

... That’s when he remembered someone.

Different voices but shouting the same name were heard and his tired eyelids quiver.

It was his fans.

The people who stayed with him. Through all the darkness and fought with him to give his family justice.

Their never ending voices that kept shouting when he felt exhausted from voicing out himself.

The people who gave him a smile and the energy that built him.

Sorry.

That was all he could mutter inside his head as darkness finally enveloped his consciousness.

****