[BL] Debut in Interstellar After Retiring as Grim Reaper-Chapter 268 - 266: Fan

Chapter 266: Fan

Qin An stood there and watched the scene unfold, feeling a bit of pain on his chest.

Watching and hearing Yu Anli expressing her feelings from frustration, grieves, helplessness until yielding to the truth that Pei Roujin is really dead.

How her tears fall endlessly and taking a big breath to softly smiling— assuring him that even though what he chose felt too painful they will accept it sooner or later.

Because that’s how they respected him. That’s how they knew how much desperation the man felt to be with his family again.

All of his fans don’t know how much he had been holding in for these years since their death. They knew he was just moving forward because of his little sister’s wish and his promises to them— not how broken he is inside.

Was he like this all along and they just didn’t notice his pain? Were they too focused on themselves and not bothering to care what’s really going on to him?

Yu Anli admittedly felt a bit betrayed for what he did but ultimately knew this was his choice to set his heart free. Especially now that she knew the truth.

How could someone like him who has a hard mouth but soft heart bear to let his sister stay alone after these years of his ignorance? At least not him.

She actually felt a bit regret upon questioning him because of the guilt flashed in his eyes but she knew that he would want it better if his fans stayed honest to him.

This was what they really felt and Pei Roujin accepted it.

Now it’s really the end.

Yu Anli just hopes that wherever he’ll reincarnate in his next life, she wants to be in the same world as him and be his fan again.

****

After Yu Anli bid farewell, she asked to go back to her family again to say goodbye. Her family couldn’t certainly see her but Qin An promised her to let them at least meet them on their dreams which Qin An approved.

On the other hand, Qin An stayed on the balcony alone until someone came.

It was Gu Yijin.

The young man sat beside him without a word and they had a bit of long silence between them until he decided to break by asking a question with a low voice.

"Are you a fan of someone?"

Gu Yijin was stunned for a bit. "A fan?"

"Hm," he nodded. "From their conversation earlier, I noticed how Anli really treasured Teacher Pei. That even with how outrageous the decision was, in the end she chose to accept it."

Gu Yijin paused for a second before replying.

"Actually, it’s quite hard to empathize. I am not a fan of someone like she is." he paused. "And I also don’t have someone who likes me that much like she does."

"But then from what I knew, being a fan is actually something very mysterious to me. Just look at how you started liking to follow someone when you only see them in front of a lens. And treating them so precisely that we don’t even know the real behind them. It’s a bit absurd yet undeniably mysterious."

"It’s hard to describe... but it’s a feeling of looking at someone who warms your heart. Through even just looking at them... you like how they brought a light to shine to something they also love." Gu Yijin tries to explain it carefully to the young man as best as he can.

Liking someone just by looking at them shining and doing what they love?

A moment flashed on Qin An’s mind when he was given a chance to meet some of them.

The fondness on their eyes while looking at him were really just like Gu Yijin explains.

"What if they are not really how they love?" he asked again.

"Hm," Gu Yijin thought about some instances. "Some fans quit when their idol did something unforgivable to them. For me it’s because it broke the ’image’ they had on their eyes and because they felt it ’stained’ the light they just wanted to see."

"Then they are not real fans?"

"Not really. I mean they were real fans before whatever happened. It’s just that it fades the moment someone breaks something inside them. However, a fan is someone who not just admires but also respects every decision that their idol makes. A fan is someone that accepts the road that their idols want to walk."

"...." Qin An couldn’t find a word to respond to that.

How deeply can a person change someone’s heart like this? For him who became a human for a short time, he felt that he still couldn’t understand the emotions.

It’s too hard to grasp and describe how they felt because everyone seems to have different definitions.

"Don’t think about it too much." Gu Yijin noticed his furrowed brows and gently reminded him.

"Anan," Gu Yijin finally called him by name. "Not fully understanding your emotion doesn’t push you out from being a human. Even us felt confused about how we felt. What you are feeling is totally normal. Don’t feel excluded."

"But I couldn’t understand everything well—"

"Humans aren’t perfect." he cut his thoughts off. "What we do everyday is to learn new things and experience something in our lives."

He sighs. "I always thought about how absurd it was when I found out that reincarnation is real but I understand something. Even if we have a thousand lives to live, we can only live one lifetime."

Gu Yijin looked at him. "I certainly don’t know about what fate awaits us... especially for you as a grim reaper, but no matter how long we live, we just have to do well and live to the fullest, right?"

Qin An also looked at the young man who seemed to change after what happened. Gu Yijin was fast to accept the changes around him and his temperament even felt a bit softer.

Looking at him right now made him realize something.

Gu Yijin is also learning new things like him— everyone does.

Including him.

****