Endless Debt-Chapter 939 - 48: The Godfather of Emotions

"Holding the banner... taking charge of the great flag."

Bologue’s gaze lowered as he murmured to himself. After a long pause, he slowly lifted his head. Maria remained seated in the dark as before, wearing a gentle smile.

"It doesn’t sound easy."

Bologue exhaled deeply, a helpless smile on his face. "There’s just too much to bear."

"This is your path," Maria gently guided, "a part of growth."

"Growth, huh?"

Bologue leaned back. He wasn’t falling — there was something to catch him, just like before.

"I’m almost a hundred years old; I thought I’d grown enough," Bologue laughed. "Not many live to my age."

Growth is a word filled with youthful energy. Bologue had thought himself immune to such words, yet when Maria spoke it, assigning it once more to Bologue, he suddenly felt a sense of being transported to another world.

"Human growth is complex. There’s the physical increase in age and the psychological growth. Clearly, Bologue, you are someone developmentally deficient."

Maria knew of Bologue’s past. "You only lived an ordinary life for over twenty years before being swept into endless wars. Even when you returned from the Black Prison, it was just from one battlefield to another."

Bologue whispered, "Like a nightmare you can’t wake from."

"As a soldier, you’re undeniably the best. Few can compare to you. But beyond being a soldier, you must realize, you haven’t accomplished anything, not even capable of living independently."

Accomplished nothing.

Unable to live independently.

Bologue wanted to refute Maria, but the words stuck in his throat, leaving him speechless.

Maria was right, as were others. With vast amounts of data, others precisely analyzed all of Bologue’s problems.

It’s true, Bologue was like a child who never grew up, but he wasn’t trapped in childhood memories; he was firmly locked onto the frenzied scorched earth.

"Adelle helped you."

Maria’s voice snapped Bologue back to attention, his expression turning anxious.

"She pulled you from the nightmare, embracing a new life."

Bologue remained silent.

"You cling to this new life, fearful someone might shatter it all."

Maria was silent for a few seconds. With the vast computational power of others, Bologue’s life was entirely transparent to Maria. She could easily deduce Bologue’s daily activities. Summing it up, Maria laughed.

"Bologue, your wishes are really quite..."

"Cheap?"

Maria didn’t continue but instead spoke of something else.

"You’ve endured hardships, so a little warmth brings you immense joy. In this regard, you’re really easy to satisfy."

"I’m the Undead."

Bologue hesitantly said, "The warmth now is only a fleeting moment. If I become too greedy, it becomes difficult to let go and unbearably painful."

He felt as if he were conversing with a psychologist, one who could make Bologue lower his guard, "I’ve thought about it — embracing it all passionately, even if everything perishes, they’ll still live in my memories."

Bologue paused, "I’m too idealistic. Accepting this reality isn’t easy."

"Yes, that’s how it is."

Maria understood what Bologue was thinking, pressing on step by step.

"You love all of this, but the more you love it, the more painful the parting. The more greedy you are, the harder it is to detach. You want to control yourself, to stay calm, but when beauty truly arrives, the defenses built by your will crumble in an instant."

Suddenly, as if by spatial shift, Maria was closer to Bologue.

"You’ve spent your life chasing beautiful things, Bologue, so when beauty arrives, you lack the power to refuse it. You crave it so much that any mental preparation crumbles."

Maria said, "You remind me of someone."

"Who?"

"Serey Villeries."

Bologue didn’t understand, "Why bring him up?"

"Because Serey’s experiences are similar to yours," Maria smiled. "You both are Undead, both chasing beautiful things. More intriguingly, neither of you knows how to face beauty."

Maria continued, "Serey didn’t understand, so he acted recklessly, easily falling in love with every woman he met, like a hungry wanderer, indiscriminate, seeking the beauty he craved in them.

As for you, Bologue, you don’t understand what beautiful things truly are. But unlike him, you reject everyone, to prevent them from entering your heart.

Of course, it might be because you’ve seen true beauty, and her departure caused you immense pain."

Bologue didn’t know how to respond. At this point, he had a vague guess as to what Maria was about to say.

"He didn’t understand love, so he held onto that fake affection, throwing himself into anyone’s embrace, trying to figure out what it really was. You don’t understand love either, hence you reject any approach."

Maria said, "You’re developmentally deficient. Only by understanding what love is will you make up your mind about what you’re fighting for."

Bologue replied firmly, "I’m fighting to eradicate the Devil."

"Hatred can be a good motivation, but it will gradually twist us. You need more noble reasons."