Progenitor Vampire: I Have Many Skills!-Chapter 183: He wants to find himself

The room filled with explosions as the sorceress woman swept the floor with Matt.

Her ability allowed her to stay on top of him, no matter how she hit him. Once Matt fell for her game, it was almost impossible for him to get free unless she so chose.

So, his ribs soon began to break, even though he was trying to avoid further damage from this woman.

But soon, an intense explosion sounded as Alice Allen and Matthew Dietrich were slammed hard in succession into a nearby wall.

Ray Jowel also fell at that moment, unconscious, not knowing whether he was alive or dead at the feet of the Divine Knight and one other man.

There were many people dead, but because Matt had been taken as a ball by that woman in a short time, he was unable to accomplish his task of killing as many people as possible.

'Agh... This woman is really dangerous...' Matt thought, with severe shortness of breath.

His body was sore, but he didn't open his eyes, as it was painful for him to do so.

Also, because he was trying to get himself into this world.

Ever since that woman started beating him, he realized how dangerous the world was.

So far, he has only fought very powerful people on a physical level. Philip Baker and Luke White, for example.

They could make him feel helpless against them because he was so outmatched. But the more he has lived in this world, the more strange characters he has encountered who can give him a different problem.

Right now, he found a woman capable of making him feel helpless because she had absurd speed, with an impressive dominance that allowed her to always be on top of him, no matter how much damage she did to him.

He knows perfectly well that this ability must have a weakness, but figuring out what it is, is complicated when he is under a continuous flurry of attacks.

Showing his trump cards without figuring out that weakness makes no sense. He'd be beating himself in the foot if he did that.

That's why he's been holding punches, trying to find a way in his mind.

Still, he's getting more and more sore.

He opened his eyes slightly and felt time passing gently as he looked at Alice beside him, lying in a state hard to recognize.

Farther away was Ray Jowel, who was perhaps dead.

Matt then looked again at the woman in front of him. She glared at him and prepared to attack him.

His mind filled with thoughts then.

'...There is no better way to fight than to let my heart be consumed by hatred. I wonder if I can ever be the same again if I let it.'

'Maybe I've been too soft these past few months. Is that what Charlotte would want?'

'No, right now, that shouldn't be the question. Is it what I want? Charlotte is no longer with me; perhaps she is not in this world. But my enemies are...'

'Charlotte... I don't know if I should let go of you and leave the past behind, but my mind tells me that if I don't, I won't be able to move forward... How complicated life is, Charlotte.' His mind was plagued with various thoughts as he remembered Charlotte.

He had been trying to live how he thought Charlotte would like it. Maybe he tried to mold his personality and way of being toward what she wanted, but now that he had reached a dead end, he began to wonder if that was the best way to live.

His mind was filled with thoughts that, maybe, if he backed away from that, he could get out of this dead end.

But those thoughts were telling him that he should live life his way, causing his feelings of wanting to live it Charlotte's way to clash with these new thoughts invading his mind.

'...Living over 35 years with you left me with so many beautiful memories; I've been trying to find them in myself, but maybe I've been walking the wrong path these past few months. I will never forget you, isn't that obvious? Why would I need to live your way to remember you?'

After a few thoughts, he realized that his mindset was a bit flawed. Keeping Charlotte in his memories was something he would do naturally.

He was sure of one thing: His ability and power would increase if he let himself be consumed by hatred.

He would manage to understand everything more because he would have let go of the weight in his heart: Not having Charlotte. And all that would happen while he still remembered Charlotte.

But he was also sure that, if he did, he would have no face to see Charlotte in the future.

For she was the one who always urged him not to be consumed by hatred and was with him all the way so that he would never fall into the wrong path.

That is why, in his mind right now, two different paths had formed.

One path was to let go of his determination to live as Charlotte would want him to live—without losing his way or being consumed by hatred.

And the other was to stay that way.

Both paths had consequences.

And choosing either was dangerous.

But his power would soar if he chose to live his way and act according to his desires and hatred. He would stop worrying about things from the past and could focus his mind more on getting stronger and getting revenge, on killing his enemy.

Not that he couldn't stand up to the woman before him. He could do it if he used his ice, but how dangerous would that be for him and the people around him? If the powerful found out that he had a power like that, then he would be in mortal danger, and he would have realized that after living in this world for several months.

If you can't sustain your skill, then you better not show it.

It's the law of life in this world, and that's why he hasn't used his icy power.

'...In the end, it's an effect of wanting to live the way you want me to live, Charlotte... I don't want to harm those around me, internally.'

When he thought like that, he scoffed at himself.

'Heh, how ridiculous. So, I've really been being soft and stupid these past few months. I've been such an idiot. Shit, not only can't I trust anyone who won't prove it to me, but I should stop worrying about the future that doesn't exist now, why have I been worrying so much about stupid shit?'

Matt's heart gave a buzz at that moment.

Time passed slowly as his heartbeat, and he could hear it.

It was a strong beat that shuddered every second.

With his eyes closed, he could see a heart that gradually seemed to turn blacker and blacker. But he didn't care. novel-hosted-MvLeMpYr

'I don't need to choose either way... I just need to put the bullshit aside and live the way I want to.'

'I gave you a life, Charlotte. But I failed you in it. So, I will live this life the way I want to so I won't fail you again. Maybe I won't dedicate it to you, but I don't need to. I don't think that's what you wanted; you just wanted to live with me and not lose myself, didn't you? I will.

I don't need to be consumed by hate; I just need to live by who I am and do what I need to do, no matter what circumstances arise.'

'I just need to understand my path.'

Matt looked up at that moment.

The sorceress woman in front of him was approaching at an astonishing speed, but he still managed to see her.

At that moment, his red eyes glowed with power, and his heart beat loudly enough that even the sorceress woman could hear.

She stopped instantly, totally stunned, before striking him.

Matt's look prevented her from moving, and his appearance changed slightly simultaneously.

His white skin began to take on a bloody hue. The red on his body soon covered his face, and his eyes were painted completely red. The white part of his eyes that glowed in the dark was now painted completely red, giving the sensation that he had no pupils.

At the same time, his body grew slightly in size, and soon, a terrifying power was unleashed from him.

Everyone was stunned, turning sharply to look at him...

...