My Scumbag System-Chapter 335: The Only Thing Scarier Than a Bad Pull is My Stepsister’s "We Need to Talk" Voice

Chapter 335: The Only Thing Scarier Than a Bad Pull is My Stepsister’s "We Need to Talk" Voice

The wheel spun.

Golden light danced across my retinas as the symbols blurred together into an incomprehensible mess. I leaned forward like some degenerate at a pachinko parlor, heart hammering against my still-tender ribs.

[Pull 1/5]

The wheel slowed. The golden glow dimmed to a disappointing bronze.

[COMMON ITEM ACQUIRED: Bag of Infinite Fertilizer]

A burlap sack that never empties. Makes plants grow 10% faster. Warning: Smells like concentrated cow pasture.

"You’ve got to be kidding me."

"Ooh, a bag of magical poop. How... fragrant." Nel’s voice dripped with barely concealed amusement.

I pinched the bridge of my nose. Five hundred SP. I’d spent five hundred SP on this banner, and my first pull was literal crap. "Next."

[Pull 2/5]

The wheel spun again. Bronze glow.

[COMMON SKILL ACQUIRED: Squirrel Speak]

You can now understand the language of squirrels. Be warned: they are extremely judgmental and hold grudges.

"What possible use could this have?" I demanded.

"Well, if you ever need to know where someone buried their nuts..."

"That’s not funny."

"I thought it was hilarious."

I stared at the ceiling. Somewhere up there, Apollo was probably rolling on his divine floor laughing at my misery. "Next pull. Come on, give me something good."

[Pull 3/5]

Bronze. Again.

[COMMON ITEM ACQUIRED: Beast Tamer’s Chew Toy]

An indestructible rubber bone that squeaks when compressed. Beloved by canines and canine-adjacent beings everywhere.

I picked up the item from where it materialized on my bed. It was bright red, shaped like a bone, and when I squeezed it experimentally, it let out a squeak loud enough to wake the dead.

"Is this for me or for Soomin?" I muttered.

"Given the Fox’s possessive nature, I’d say it’s for whoever you want to survive their next encounter with her transformed state."

That was... actually a fair point. I tossed the toy onto my desk next to Bartholomew’s terrarium. The immortal snail regarded it with supreme indifference.

"Two more pulls," I said through gritted teeth. "Two more chances."

[Pull 4/5]

The wheel spun. I watched it slow. The bronze glow returned like an old friend I desperately wanted to punch.

[COMMON PASSIVE ABILITY ACQUIRED: Green Thumb]

Your thumbs are now permanently green. This grants you a 15% efficiency bonus when planting.

I looked down at my hands. Sure enough, both thumbs had turned a vivid emerald green, like I’d dipped them in paint that refused to wash off.

"Nel."

"Yes, darling?"

"My thumbs are green."

"I can see that."

"They’re actually green. Like a frog. Or radioactive broccoli."

"The System does have a sense of humor. A terrible one, but a sense nonetheless."

I wanted to scream. Four pulls. Four absolute wastes of my hard-earned Schema Points. I had one chance left, one final spin of the cosmic slot machine.

"Last pull," I said, my voice flat. "If this is another piece of garbage, I swear I’m going to find Apollo’s physical form and shove that lyre so far up his divine posterior he’ll be playing music every time he sits down."

"An ambitious threat. I approve." 𝐟𝕣𝗲𝕖𝕨𝗲𝐛𝗻𝗼𝐯𝗲𝚕.𝗰𝚘𝐦

[Pull 5/5]

The wheel began to spin.

Something felt different this time. The air in my room grew heavy, charged with potential energy. The golden light from the wheel intensified, shifting through shades I couldn’t name. Bronze became silver. Silver became gold. Gold became something brighter, something that made my eyes water.

The symbols on the wheel rearranged themselves. New patterns emerged, ancient and powerful.

The wheel stopped.

[GOLD ABILITY ACQUIRED: ?????]

A description window materialized in front of me, filled with text that made my heart skip a beat. I read it once. Then twice. Then a third time, just to make sure I wasn’t hallucinating from the stress of watching my SP go down the drain.

A grin spread across my face. The kind of grin that would make small children cry and grown men cross to the other side of the street.

"Well, well, well."

"What did you get?" Nel asked, her curiosity evident for once.

I closed the window with a flick of my wrist before she could read it. "Wouldn’t you like to know?"

"...Did you just hide your ability from me?"

"I did."

"That’s not fair. I’m your System companion. I’m supposed to know everything about your build."

"And I’m the Protagonist." I swung my legs off the bed, ignoring the twinge in my ribs. "Which means I get to have secrets. Even from nosy cosmic entities who watch me have sex."

Nel sputtered something incomprehensible. I savored the moment. It wasn’t often I managed to throw her off balance.

[Schema Points: 295]

Four pieces of trash and one gold. Not the best haul, but that final pull? Worth every point. Worth the fertilizer, the squirrel language, the squeaky toy, and my permanently green thumbs.

The Clockwork Arboretum wouldn’t know what hit it.

I grabbed a fresh shirt from my closet and headed for the door. Time to face the music.

The hallway outside my room was suspiciously quiet. Too quiet. The kind of quiet that precedes an ambush or a particularly awkward conversation.

I made it exactly three steps before Carmen materialized from literally nowhere, her one good eye gleaming with mischief. Behind her stood Natalia, arms crossed, expression unreadable.

"Morning, kid." Carmen sniffed the air loudly, her nose wrinkling. "Well, well. Someone’s been busy. Smells like teen spirit and clove cigarettes in there."

I kept walking. "Good morning to you too, Carmen."

"Don’t ’good morning’ me." She fell into step beside me, her disheveled appearance suggesting she’d only recently rolled out of bed herself. "I’m the TA. I’m supposed to know when my students are engaging in... extracurricular activities."

"Is that what they’re calling it now?"

Natalia stepped into my path, forcing me to stop. Her purple eyes locked onto mine with an intensity that could melt steel. Without a word, she leaned in close.

And sniffed my shirt.

"Skylar," she said. Not a question. A statement.

I didn’t flinch. Didn’t look away. Didn’t try to make excuses.

"Yes."